Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Its a Really Complicated Issue: Do I Want to Become Like These Men or be With Someone Like This??








After some serious thinking, i have made up my mind: I want to become one of these men because:
 1. if i were to look average and have major crush on these men, i would feel like im way out of their league.
2. that leads to some serious self esteem issues and self hatred not exactly anyone's dream
3. on the contrary, looking like this, i can get anyone ass i want for some serious .........>>>friendship

and...

have a clear shot at happily ever after (its VAIN, i know!). 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Im Not A Racist, This Is the Story of My Life (Part 2)

perhaps the most difficult part of the whole thing is to adjust to the fact that some people can pretend to be nice to us while having ulterior motives. the teachers who taught us; put up a caring face while doing everything they can to halt our growth.

we told ourselves this is just temporary. we blamed the education system. we blamed it for the sour feeling in our soul, for teaching us we are not equals. instead we consist of a society made of brown, yellow and other shades of coloured skin.

at 17 years of age we had our first hit and we took it bravely.
again we told ourselves this would end for good when we enter the university.
so we did...

first day at the university beaming with pride, ambition and the drive to achieve and be somebody in the society, i had a culture shock. i noticed my surroundings were surreal. there were indians, chinese and malays in the auditorium, waiting for our turn to register and get the temporary tags.

why was my surrounding surreal??

they indians hung out only with the indians, chinese and malays were not any different. i reassured myself that once we were registered, everyone would mingle around.

the only thing is was that didnt happen.

throughout the orientation, first week, first semester...there was almost no inter racial communication. maybe it was the lack of interest or maybe it was just so much easier that way to speak our own native language, share the same food but what was really apalling was the fact that we were made up of a group of people who were very well educated unfortunately we were not able to see past the skin colour.

the chinese had their separate orientation that followed. they had the Mr / Ms faculty competitions going on at a separate locations, conducted in Chinese. 

The indians had motivation camps catering only the indian students. inter racial communication were very much limited to when absolutely unavoidable in other words necessary.

there were few lecturers who were open minded and concerned who made rules that each group must consist of every race while the others couldnt care less.

the way some had to carry the other's overwhelming weight and disinterest in doing their work is a totally different story.

by the end of the first semester, when we noticed that a certain ethnic group is more relaxed to attend classes and take the lessons less seriously we were hit with the second wave:

THEY HAVE ALREADY LEARNED THE EXACT SAME SYLLABUS OF THE SAME SUBJECTS IN MATRICULATION CLASSES CATERED ESPECIALLY FOR THAT PARTICULAR GROUP WHO WERE ENROLLED WITH FAR LESS IMPRESSIVE RESULTS... 
the question is why the special treatment?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Im Not A Racist, This Is the Story of My Life (Part 1)

from the day we were born till the day we grew the first tooth, our greatest achievement was to be able to eat solid food. 

from the day we were crawling till the day we took our first step, our greatest achievement was our ability to walk...saying the first word, first day at school, first best friend.....everyday was a blessing in disguise.

schooling days were my version of theme park which i had five days a week. rain or shine. cold or warm..my friends were my allies...together we did some crazy fun stuff. back in those days we only knew one skin colour. the colour of friendship. we didnt care if someone were yellow, brown, pink, white or watever.

then puberty hit..when boys were grabbing each other's crotch and having a cheeky laughter or playing ball with someone's pants during PE classes everything was very enjoyable. i tell myself thats probably because i had tonnes and tonnes of friends back then. being a school prefect, participating in competitions, debates, yada yada yada...

my world was filled with happiness and crazy fun. reflecting back on those days, now i realize that i never really had a clue how the boys at the corner of the classroom would feel like. but of course we never picked on them...

then came the 13 - 17 years time frame. it was secondary school and i was still passionate about going to school. we became close with the teachers...there were those teachers who despised us to their guts..and they were those who treated us like their friends. 

not too long after, began the rat race. that was the time when we were evaluated not only from the academics but also through contribution in extra curricular activities. 10% of the total points to enroll into university was non academic. unconsciously began a segregation.

i use the word segregation as opposed to 'healthy competition' among us in the same school. there were those of us who were high achievers, participated actively in school societies, uniformed bodies, school magazine, sports and there were those who were not doing so great but belonged to a certain ethnic group.

little did we know that all we had to be was belong to that particular ethnic group to be fish that would never have to swim opposite the current.

the second year the merit system was introduced, there was an obvious shift in the school. those pathetic losers who didnt have a good command in english, commendable leadership skills, did not participate in competitions, debates and quizzes to win the state title were being promoted to lead the prefect body over us who served the school for 5 years. at that tender age, it was very frustrating. we asked ourselves, what did we do wrong?

we didnt get the answer to that question till years to come.

the teachers who were supposed to teach us the values of gender / social / race / religious unbiasedness, were plotting and thinking of ways to give the non-performers a chunk of the cake which they did not deserve.

the most obvious of event was when these losers won the highest honour at the school's principal awards when they only enrolled in our school for form 6 compared to us who were in the school from form 1.

Probably that seemed to be the only way for these people to attain that 10% merit points. we, on the other hand were sidelined despite the fact that we made the school proud in so many ways.






then it hit us and it hit us hard...

Its crazy if anyone does not get turned on by these men.

Its crazy if anyone does not get turned on by these men.









 

Monday, March 14, 2011

Exciting, Sexciting or Gayciting?

for quite some time now i have been having the urge to do something exciting...

its just that lately, ive been having this constant irritation towards many aspects of my life. the job, the friends, the people who pretend to be friends, people who want to be so kay poh and show off at work>>>people this,  people that, people everything!!
  
who knew PEOPLE could be so annoying....???

i just feel like i  need a break and do something exciting..

or perhaps gayciting...

have a tshirt and underwear party for instance!

for a very long time now, ive been thinking what are these gayciting parties that i always read about on the internet...

ok fine, im gonna measure up to being a man and admit: NO, i dont read about them on the internet, i just fantasize about them in my mind...

having said that aloud and feeling vulnerable (well, gay men can be very judgemental ok!)

..i ask myself this question..if at all somewhere down the road, somebody actually takes the effort to organize such a 'naughty' party (HINT!!),  what role would i take up?
 
would i take the role of a person who would wear something slutty, make an entry, pose in subtle sexual gestures making heads turn and make other men's loins burn with lust...

or...

take the role of someone who wears all black, sits in a corner, wait for someone to take the first move and try as hard as possible to hide an erection..

well...erection, lets talk about that for a moment..

because erection is ALWAYS such an interesting topic. 

i always wonder how men are able to wear the tiniest of speedos at the swimming pool..

my fisrt experience of such sight was when i was at Sentosa Island ages ago..well at that time i didnt know that there is a word that somehow i would associate with myseld so closely ..the word GAY

even at that age, and  the only man i could lay my eyes on was a white guy in his late 40s, i couldnt take my eyes off his crotch...that tiny piece of coverage hiding his manhood..

at 9, i had the first wave of hotflush....!

for guys who like other men..isnt it almost a sin to be wearing such skimpy piece of clothing..as tiny as they may, seeing other men in tiny speedos not only causes heart flutter but also dick flutter...!

what if the penis pops out or something?
well of course that depends on the girth, length and the duration one goes without a hand job (vulgarity not intended)..

perhaps it isnt so bad if it is in a gym where everyone is adult..but how about public pools where there are kids and women who swim along..

would this be a typical sentence:  
Mommy mommy, why did he hide a carrot in his trunk 

OR 

Mommy mommy why does he have mayonnaise coming out from his trunk, to which the mommy would casually say: 

owh darling he just wants someone to eat it with his sausage...!!

YUCKS!

isnt it inappropriate to be walking around with a boner...
for one, i would never be caught dead in a tiny speedo for two reasons...

1. i get too self concious wearing them
2. i get erection looking at myself wearing them>>i dont know if it is common or im the only one on earth who experience this 'WONDERFUL' experience..


Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Too Late to Write, Post Camwhoring Photos

has been a while since i wrote. Its 1.20am and all i can think about is snuggling with my bolster. Maybe just some camwhoring pictures for today.
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