Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Sunday, October 31, 2010

My stolen heartbeat (Part 1)

The first time it happened, i didnt understand what it was. i was 19 and the bear hug from behind was nothing shocking. given the fact that we get along very well it didnt seem strange at all. in fact i enjoyed it immensely.

He had a girlfriend in the beginning of second semester itself. that didnt make any difference. He was my friend, only a friend or at least thats what i thought at that time. end of the semester we were forced to go for a camp in pahang. those who were 'forced' were handpicked by the residential college with the assurance of hostel rooms the subsequent semester. the catch: we were encouraged (more like trapped) to join the organizing committee for the annual 'pesta' which were planned at a grand scale at my university.

there were three buses and 4 of us amongst the 'lucky ones' who got chosen were called out to enter the buses. he and me got into the same bus while the other two in the bus far far away. 

throughout the 6 hour journey, he was my pillow and i was his. he dozed off on my shoulder and me on his, heads banging when the bus went over humps. thats what friends do, i told myself.

6 hours, swollen faces and drenched in each others sweat he got off the bus and cluelessly lined up to be segregated into rooms. this time we werent so lucky. we were put at separate rooms. well so tonight we wont sleep on the same bed....we could get used to it...

flashback: by the end of second semester, we had the habit of sleeping on the same bed. despite the fact that there are two beds in the room. hugging each other to sleep became a routine. chit chatting for hours, only meant going to bed a little earlier. me playing with his hair and ear was very much anticipated by both..to an extend where he starts panting lustfully. it was a normal and natural thing between very close friends....or at least what we told ourselves.

the separate room thing was not even at the back of my mind because we both knew either of us would come to the other one's room that night.. so that night i went to his room. a few lines with his room mate and he dozed off. i jumped on his bed and as usual, lights were turned off and we were tickling each other..

beep beep!! it was a text from his girl...bitch i told myself and brushed it off.

beep beep!! another text....i ignored both the texts. im trying hard to hide my irritation.

then the bitch called. he had to take the call outside since the other guy was already asleep. i was fine until the call. when he left to take it, it hit me....it hit me hard. a wave of realization and jealousy. i didnt understand why i got angry and jealous. i didnt understand it. but i knew for sure it existed...

as the seconds passed by, i got more and more agitated...i was angry at the girl and angry at him for taking it but i cant figure out the reason for it..

throughout the camp, i didnt realize that i got drawn to him...the peck on my cheek where i felt the wetness of his lips during the first brief which i didnt take seriously seems to have a slightly better meaning. i didnt realize it. his bubbly personality, his wits, and the butt!!, he charmed me slowly and steadily. 

the minute and a half of phone call from his girl that night was a shard of glass slicing my emotion and a reminder that it will not be an ideal situation for the both of us...

lying there on the bed alone, i couldnt take it anymore!


Saturday, October 30, 2010

Out of message on the wrong day at the wrong time

Ive associated my self with three online profiles out of which i do not fail to check on daily basis. manjam being the longest ive been a member with, followed by planetromeo and the recently terminated facebook.

but of course these profiles are associated with my 'extra curricular' activities than the normal im a working professional clean imaged profiles. but darn the traffic in the 'extra curricular' ones are always way more than the regular one....

ok, going back to my post...out of these profiles ive got tonnes of different responses. some i cant resist to respond..why u ask??

i can almost hear that question..

1. some guys are so hot!! but dumb..they go like this:

face picture please!>> and i go like: fuck off...! but i do not respond to those messages coz after getting so many u just lose interest to respond. not to mention limited messages in manjam.

2. the not so attractive ones (im not judging anyone, but this is what they normally say)

you are so hot, can i suck your cock??>> and i go like: huh..yes, i like to be su**ed but, if i do it, i would b doing a charity for you..and i really think that you deserve better than this. but of course, i dont say it either because i dont want to hurt anybody's ego (despite the begging for my ice cream cone)

3. then there are those who are undecided. they want to message me but they cant decide they go like this:

hi or hey or hey sexy or wassup.>>for this kind of guys, it depends on many things. if im irritated, i would normally dont reply because i dont want to say unnecessary things. for the ones i reply, i study the profile, age and description because lets face it there isnt much going on with a single letter word. however there is one word that makes me go f*ucking angry>>WASSUP. can anyone please tell me what that means? the only thing it means to me is: i have purposely taken time and efford to irritate you.

4. i think im drawn to cultured, articulate men who can speak well, dress well and presentable..this type of guys are very rare to come by. unfortunately they are the ones who do not take the first step.

5. then there are those who dont read my profile. talking about my profiles, let me give an extract from them:

MANJAM: 

myprofile 26yo indian professional working in kl 

prefer to keep things straightforward

prefer meeting up over coffee to see if theres chemistry rather than ym / msn / chatting

have a good life, d like to maintain it and improve it as much as i can..

like to laugh out loud..be happy all the time

mydesire an open mind.
beautiful heart

i will not deny the the following facts:
1. guys in formal attire / office wear drive my hormones crazy
2. im impressed with career driven confident man
3. good sense of humour makes my knees weak
4. on the naughtier side, muscular/athletic bodies in tight underwear...............makes me............( i think thats too much information .....) so im going to STOP..

PLANETROMEO:

"" i extracted the following paragraph from user with id: jock-strap and i stand by it:


i quote:
And the obvious thing.... no pic. Yeah, yeah. All this aggression and no balls to put up a pic. Yeah well live with it. :) So if you're the type who needs a pic, must have a pic and lives and dies by the most oft repeated statement on planetromeo "no pic no reply" well then move on. I share my pic very selectively. Not with any tom, dick and harry.

>>Dudes dont ask me my face picture until u take the efford to know me.


i will not deny the the following facts:
1. guys in formal attire / office wear drive my hormones crazy
2. im impressed with career driven confident man
3. good sense of humour makes my knees weak
4. on the naughtier side, muscular/athletic bodies in tight underwear...............makes me............( i think thats too much information .....) so im going to STOP..
""

I have credited the guy whom i extracted the quote from...

so they still ask me the silliest questions: are u indian? how old are u? what kind of guys do u like?

and i go like>>u dont know how to read issit??

6. then there are those who are so damn persistent. no matter how many times they are ignored they keep asking the same questions...

7. The guy who messaged me in manjam today went a little like this:

Would love to hangout and have a cuppa with you someday...I live in sentul east, selayang is not too far from here right?:P wish to hear from you.
cheers,Ivan:) 

and i go: darnnnnnn how to not respond to this???

plus he is so cute.....i wanted to post his picture but... not so soon..

but unfortunately my manjam has run out of messages!

have to wait until tomorrow to reply.. SIGH..


One liners

Nice fit to my 'lobster claw'

Grrrr and GREEN!!

McDreamy

Im a leg freak, but these are a little over the board

Perfect speciment...!

Owh i produce protein at my backyard...

If only the legs were proportionate

I WANT!

Throw water..!

In AWE! must stop salivating! must stop salivating!

so not my taste

something u cant resist having for breakfast, lunch and dinner

Owh im the neighbour of the guy who produced protein at his backyard.

Dont know which one to stare first

one word: YUMMY

GASP!

i think this is my definition of perfect form

hmmmm..a little too much dont you think?>>a little

creative, musically inclined and hot?? im torn between what i aspire to be and what i want my bf to be.

Just take all my money and leave me alone!

no need so sombong right??

forbidden love, a curse or a desire?

issss ittt stufffeeedddd??

OH MY...thirsty!

hmmm....good for competition, not good to b with

maybe half of this

please dont hurt me


Thursday, October 28, 2010

guilty pleasure (part 2)

4. so the conversation with pedo Mark went on for about a year and a half to 2. let me remind u guys that i am still not aware of what GAY is. i kept chatting with him because it made me feel good....and at that age i remember doing onesome on multiple times a day..there was a time when i exchanged my picture with Mark. Mark seemed to be a chubby guy, bald head and slightly over 40. i was 25 years older than im. after sending him my picture which was me in my school uniform in a picture with my debating team, i totally freaked out. i was afraid that Mark would misuse my picture and post it on some porn websites. thank god that digital cameras were yet to be invented at that time or else im pretty darn sure i would have taken compromising pictures of myself and made a fool of myself...so i did what every scared teenage gay boy would do.. i asked Mark:

me: mark do u think im gay (i asked him this question after chatting about sex with him almost 2yrs!!)

mark: i dont know, do u think u are gay?

me: mark, i think i like to look at pictures of men.

mark: when u look at those pictures where do u look at??

me: i dont understand (YEAH RIGHT!!)

mark: i mean when u look at pictures of men, which area do u look at??

me: i dont have a speficic area that i look at (of course i lied)...but i really like to be like those muscular guys..

mark: do u imagine yourself having sex with them or masturbate while thinking about those pictures

me: i dont think so (because at that time, i havent started surfing for gay porn, i didnt even know wat porn was!! naive right...sighhh)

mark: i think its normal for guys to look at pictures of other men. but i remember u telling me that u like to look at men in his underwear (he got me!!!)

me: thats true. do u think that makes me gay??

mark: i think it does..

i felt like Mark could be right but i didnt want to admit it to him since he has my facepicture and stuff so i went like this..

me: mark actually i have a girlfriend. i started chatting with you and  i got excited with the chat. i continued to chat with you because it was a dare from my friends. actually im not gay!

mark:......................

i think mark could possibly have been a genuine guy. he never met me. nor has he mentioned about meeting me anywhere in malaysia. but i was frightened and i never wanted anyone to know my little secret...

5. out of the many things that thrill me, men in office attire is definitely one of them.

call me vain but men in fitting shirt (to go with button popping shirt) and tight slacks, low waisted is just my..arghhhh. SPEECHLESS!!

have u guys ever seen a guy who has nice thick legs and slacks so low waisted that when he sits....theres a nice pointy crotch that pops in the middle of his legs..grr..

unfortunately none of the guys in my office wears pants like that..except myself...wait a sec, theres this chinese guy in my office that has massive legs. he plays basketball. i notice that guys who play basketball have juicy juicy legs..must be all the jumping action!! so imagine my wild dream walking infront of me on daily basis! even though his pants are not up to my expected tightness, i still find his legs to be...IRRESISTIBLE!

so irresistible that i might have grabbed his kkj a few times.

and ive caught him staring at my crotch many times when i stand beside him!!! not just him but also my colleague so cant take his eyes off when i go over to his place to ask questions..well its either i have  the most beautiful crotch in the world or that married man with two kids is in denial about his sexuality.not only have i grabbed his kkj, i pinch his butt at every opportunity..when i walk pass him, when i go to his cubicle and even in the pantry when he is taking plain water...i admit...he is my fetish which became true...and guess wat, not once did he resist me..hahahah.

but just this one time, i was walking past him at another cubicle and as usual my fingers lusting for his butt, i pinched his butt...well i couldnt really see what im pinching because i was pretending to walk pass that area when clearly i just couldnt resist his butt. so as usual with my fingers forming lobster claw, i headed towards him trying with all my might to conceal my throbbing erection.

i went closer and closer to him, fully aware of the other colleague he was chatting with and my fingers dived!

left cheek,

right cheek 

and missing both of these, it went straight to his hole! yes, his hole and with the clamp formating i ended up pinching his asshole hair...and darn there were plenty of it!!!! 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

guilty pleasure (Part 1)


i guess my previous post was a little emo...i dont get emo that easy just that these few  weeks have been really tough..ok enough abt that

for a change im going to talk about something about myself:

1. im easily addicted to new stuff. the first thing i got addicted to was internet. it happened when i was 14 and we bought the first pc at home. back in those days, pcs we freakishly expensive and we had to take a loan to buy it. first i was harmlessly playing tetris and solitaire. few months in we had the internet. at that time the internet was charged by duration. one fine day, i created an email and somehow, i clicked on images on male butt in tight jeans...i was really curious about the front as well and lucky for me, there were links to that as well...whoa!! wasnt i fascinated at those images...these innocent thrills went on for sometime until a fine print in one of the websites said: if u are a minor or if u are not gay, please leave this website..GAY? what the hell was that?? seriously guys i didnt know back then..


2. the next thing i got addicted to was ICQ. i can still remember the 'oh owh!!' tone for every incoming messages. well all my contact were men with juicy juicy pictures, not to mention juicy juicy nicknames. it was so hard to keep that 'secret' account so i would put password of mayhem to ensure no one would EVER discover it. there was this guy called Mark from UK who would seduce me by telling stories of how he would like to 'perform' stuffs to me that made me coming back for more ..damn Mark!!those days we would politely refer to KKJ as SNAKE and BUSH>>pretty dumb huh??

3. so at 14-16 years i didnt know what GAY was. but i was actively participating on conversation that is very sexual (thanks to that PEDO Mark!). i must have become sexually 'able' at that time coz everytime we talked, i would get wet and i was only 15 at that time. since we didnt have separate personal pcs and thumb drives were non existent, i have no option to store the pictures which gave me the dripping sensation and my senses were very much heightened. i had the most sensitive ears...the moment i hear door knobs, my hands would move at lightning speed to close all the open windows...

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