WISE INTERNET PEOPLE, WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE?

Clock >> Alarm >> 3am.

If I pack everything tonight, I can wake up at 3am, have a quick shower and reach airport by 4am.

AirAsia has yet again rescheduled my flight. I was supposed to be on 9.25pm flight on a Friday and reach my destination before 12am.

Unexpectedly, around 4ish pm on Friday, I received sms and email informing the reschedule. My flight is now scheduled for 2 hours later (1130pm), which means I would reach my destination around 2am. If I took the reschedule flight, there was a good chance to be stranded at the airport till the break of dawn due to no grab rides.

The next best option I took was to take the earliest flight on Saturday, at 620am. There were many passengers on the same flight who took to complaining at the apps.

Some were venting, some were pissed and vowed to never taking AA flight again. I just wondered: How does complaining in an unmoderated chatroom going to solve anything?.

Rescheduling has happened before, and IT WILL happen again. No amount of complaining is going to change that.

For those who said they were never going to take AA again…..well, if you could have afforded other airlines, I don’t think you would have booked AA to begin with, but that’s a totally different entry.

So, Saturday morning, I woke up at 3am and by 340am, I was ready and booked for a Grab ride to the airport.

I took the elevator to ground floor and surprisingly noticed that the Grab driver was not at the lobby as usual.

He waited at the entrance instead. That felt a little strange. The security has no issues to let taxi / grab drivers to wait at the lobby. I didn’t think much of it and got into the car.

The driver was an elderly man. He asked me if he could go straight or make a U-turn to the airport.

I told him both works and he went to make a U-turn. It seemed that the U-turn took longer than usual, easily a minute or two. I assumed he is just taking his time to be careful and because it is so early in the morning there wouldn’t be that many cars on the road, so no need to rush.

You know when you have to be somewhere, even when there is time, you want to just reach the destination quickly and then do whatever you please with the ample time?.

We exchanged pleasantries and the uncle spoke good English. He was obviously someone who is well educated. After saying my prayers in the car for a safe journey, I couldn’t help but noticing the uncle’s hand was quivering.

Yes, it was quivering, and I came to a realization that this uncle could be suffering from Parkinson’s Disease.

I felt a little sorry for the uncle that hes drivering Grab at an elderly age, when he could be resting at home and obviously I felt sorry for his condition that he may be suffering from Parkinson’s and yet driving at 4am in the morning.

Almost 15 mins into the ride, he asked me: Is it okay if I drove slowly?. At this point, I was already feeling uneasy. It was approximately 15 mins past 4am and we are yet to hit the highway. I was conflicted. I couldn’t ask him to go fast because that might put me in danger. He was probably driving slowly because his response time is slower due to Parkinson’s.

I asked him: How long does it take to reach the airport. He replied another 37mins, quoting what Waze was showing. I knew there and then that it would take longer than that because the uncle is driving very slow like 40kmph.

I didn’t know what to do. Should I ask him to cancel my ride and drop me at petrol station and take another ride, or should I inform Grab that I feel unsafe in his car?.

I tried to stay calm. Although I can feel stress building up with passing minutes.

Then I noticed that the uncle wasn’t driving in the designated lane.

It was a 3 lanes highway. He was driving somewhere in between the second and third (fast) lane. We were lucky that it was so early in the morning that there were not many cars and lorries. I knew he was driving that way because the mid point of the dashboard was at the road markings between the lanes.

I wanted to say something at the same time didn’t want to pressure him to drive fast.

Then we came to a toll booth and he asked me: Just need to enter here right? Pay later?

Honestly I had no idea. I was so stressed and at this point scared for my safety. I don’t know if I would make it safely to the airport.

To put matter into context, there were 2 police patrol cars which overtook us. They honked at us because we were at the middle of the road.

I wonder why the didn’t pull us over with the suspicion of driving under the influence.

I arrived at the airport about 10 to 15 minutes later than shown at Waze.

What should I have done?

-should I have flagged this uncle because he was not fit to drive and was putting me and himself in danger? I mean I was just lucky to have made it without an accident.

If I had flagged him, would I have ruined his livelihood?

So where do I draw the boundary? Putting me and my safety first or putting and elderly man’s livelihood over my own safety???

I am so confused.

I asked him how long he has been driving grab to which he said since 2017.

I still couldn’t figure out what was the right thing to do under this circumstance.

WISE INTERNET PEOPLE, WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE?

YOU MAY STILL END UP BEING A SAD LONELY GAY MAN but any given day it is better to be a rich sad lonely gay man

 My attitude towards my job has been to be the guy who knows his job well and is good at it. I have tendency to over think and analyse things. Combine that with my attention to detail, I turn out to the ‘that’ guy who can trace back emails sent months or years ago to show that I have highlighted some thing and it was taken for granted until it went to hell.

To be fair, I would have indeed addressed a particular issue many times only for it to go in circles until it comes back to me for resolution.

Lately I am watching many videos on tiktok that says: at work, you should not show that you know everything because more and more work would be given to you compared to your less competent colleagues.

There are also many videos which highlight that if you are an over performer, that would translate into a threat to your colleagues or worse superior and they would instead gossip about you and ruin chances of you actually growing in the company.

The best is to do your task and only when the circumstances arise, you go the extra mile to show you are capable of doing extraordinary things.

I wish I knew this sooner. I always thought that if I am good at my work, that would suffice for me to go places. Like the fame, glory and money would come my way and gonads would vibrate due to my power to be extraordinary at work.

There aint no fame glory or shit in being an over achiever.

On one hand, I am glad that I know that now.

My question is: What if you are fundamentally someone who gives a 100% in whatever you do.

Confession time: I never consciously chose this career. It happened because after finishing my secondary education, I did not want to do O levels. Based on that I chose a university that enrolled me and based on my result, I chose my course in engineering.

People who talk about passion and advise about one pursuing something due to passion, I have lotsa respect for you but that’s not how my journey turned out to be.

Im just a guy who took a practical decision. From there, I wanted to give my very best. While I witnessed colleagues, less competent than me getting multiple promotions, I was side-lined. My promotion did not come from my immediate supervisor but from my boss’s boss.

So work started piling. Projects after projects. I am not sure if it was intentional that the company refused to hire more people to work with me, while the incompetent guy had 10 guys working for him while being the least performing team.

After many years, the frustration comes in and I started manifesting. I wanted a break. I wanted a job that gives me time and financial freedom. I manifested this for many years.

Guess what. I happened. I got a job that was not so busy. The thing about manifesting is that it is best to be clear of what you want. Heard of the saying: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR?

I got a job that turns out to be less busy that my previous job but the office environment was toxic. Everyone gossiped because one has less things to do and they compensate with bitchin.

It sucks to be looking for another job, but to be frank it is scarier to think that I wouldn’t have things to market if I continued to stay with this organization.

So ima be manifestin somethin else now.

With age comes maturity and I feel I know a little better of what I want.

Well I may not know what I WANT, but I definitely know WHAT I DON’T WANT.

I also urge my fellow readers to pay attention to financial planning.

If you are an over thinker like me, someone who hates depending on others, gay with no legal rights to partnership, you may want to set all your priorities right.

You can be with someone or in a meaningful lasting relationship but do consider the fact that it does not happen for everyone.

Gay men have lotsa issues. There are also those who take advantage of the other. I know it is an unfair stereotyping, but it is better to be biased if it drives you to put in multiple contingencies rather than trusting blindly, losing yourself completely and maybe what you have earned.

Do a simple mathematics.

Assume you are going to live upto 70.

Pick the age you want to retire, X.

No. of months your retirement fund must last: (Life expectancy - Retiring age) x 12.

Look at all your investments, EPF, etc and look at the projection at your retirement age. That’s your retirement fund.

So:

Retirement fund / no. of months retirement fund must last = how much money you can spend a month >> lets call this figure: “Wake up call”

If the “Wake up call” is giving you sleepless nights….you should wake up and do financial planning before it is too late.

For people like me out there, it is ok if you do not have a passion. Maybe you might not have one or you have not found it yet. Remember, that it is no excuse to not be financially prepared to tackle any circumstances.

If you start today, maybe in 10 years you would have some form of backup. 

I MEAN YOU MAY STILL END UP BEING A SAD LONELY GAY MAN but any given day it is better to be a rich sad lonely gay man

 

The 4 series club

 As a guy in the 4 series club, I ask myself:

1.       At 40, should I have settled down in my life?

2.       At 40, should I have found my perfect job?

3.       At 40, should I have found / experienced / be in love?

4.       At 40, should I have sorted my financial independence?

5.       At 40, should I have thought about when I should / want to retire?

6.       At 40, should I have found my passion?

7.       At 40, should I consider relocating to another state if there is a better opportunity?

8.       At 40, should my decisions in life take into consideration of other people? – my parent, whos going to take care of them, am I selfish if I want to pursue what I want in life?

9.       At 40, should I come out?

10.   At 40, should I still keep buying things I have fetish for?

11.   At 40, should I change my sexual role?

AtAt 40, should I get my shit together and join pool parties in KL?

dAt 40 should I have so many unanswered QUESTIONS??

It was so Good, Gonads, vibrated

Usual Wednesday at office. Typical lunch hour. Food hunting at Pavi area. My boss likes to eat Arabic food. Me, I am ok with any. There is this shop that we go to quite frequently.

Today, at the restaurant we noticed something different. The food portion was bigger, also the price slightly more expensive.

Then the ambiance of the shop was also upgraded.

Then the waiter...i dont think he was the waiter..maybe the owner or partner

OMG!!

Omaigad that guy……he is arab..and damn he so FINEEEE

Tall, buff, handsome af….i guess everything is bigger and taste better in Arab…

Like “everything”

if he was a burger, i would wait for meal time with enthusiasm everyday.

When we were leaving, he made a little wave….and I would say….gonads vibrated

 

The Uncontrollable Need to be a Saviour

 

Beep….I tagged out from the office.

Another busy day. I carried my laptop bag on my back and gym bag on my left shoulder.

As I walked pass the glass doors of other offices in the same floor, I can’t help but feel like I look like a homeless person with all these bags everywhere around me.

I looked at my watch and it shows 6.05pm. Peanut butter, milk powder and fruits.

These are the things I have to buy before going home.

The monorel came. During 6pm peak hour hustling to get into the train is inevitable and ALWAYS there are people blocking the entrance.

Maybe they are just afraid that if they move aside, they would die. I did what I had to do: Hit some of them with my bags and moved further into the train to secure a comfortable place. Saw a guy wearing tight slacks and he had muscular butt……………but we are not going to talk about that. This is not a thirsty post. Maybe the next one.

As I got down at KL Sentral, and thinking about what to eat, I saw some people waiting at the escalator. They were begging. Some had a basket filled with tissues. I assume the try to sell something in exchange to those tissues, basically a more decent form of begging.

One of them was on a wheelchair. Every time I pass by them, I try to contribute some money. Maybe a ringgit or two if I have them. On the days that I don’t, I tell myself maybe tomorrow.

Here’s the thing: I believe that even a ringgit donated sincerely, would benefit them.

Everytime I pass them by, I can’t help but to ask myself: What could have been their story? How did they end up on the streets? It must have been really tough for them. Maybe they used to be a businessperson who was doing well and then their business went bankrupt. Maybe their kids grew up and ditched them. Perhaps, at one point, they too were working in offices and they take train and sometimes wear slacks, enhancing their muscular butts.

More often than not, their baskets would be empty, as in there is no money in it. Tissues are there, just no money.

Never once, it occurred to me to take a packet of tissue from the basket. For me, I was doing my good did for the day. To empathise and do my part to make the world a little better.

As I got my groceries and was going back to my car, I saw these beggars again near the escalator and face lit up. I was enthused. I was breathing the motivated breath. I skippity skipped towards them.

The bounce in my steps, the aura of an angel, the expression on my face: a mixture of satisfaction and smiling ear to ear………I was READY. Ready to take some change, put it in their basket, gentle tap on their hand and say: This too shall pass. One day, you are going to look back and remember that this is your lowest point. Things will only get better from here.

As I skippity skipped towards them, by eye brows frowned, my steps slowed down and I was taken by surprise. The lady sitting on the wheelchair took out her ginormous phone.

This wasn’t any ordinary ginormous phone. It had a screen bigger than my own phone. So she took her phone out, answered the call and put it back where no one could see it.

Then, it hit me. While I was giving them money all these while, never once have I noticed them to be dirty. They do not look like they skipped a meal too. Don’t get me wrong, there are beggers in Brickfields who are homeless, dirty and sleep on the pavements.

However, the ones that I have been giving money too are not one of those.

Then I recalled another incident flashing through my mind.

Many years ago, while I was picking up my laundry and chatting with the shop keeper, there was an elderly lady who came into the shop and said to me: I feel really hungry, could you give me some money so that I can buy something to eat. Me being all concerned and sorry for her, took the wallet out.

As universe would have it, I didn’t have any small change. Since she was elderly and hungry there was this uncontrollable need to become the saviour and ease her pain. I handed to her a 5 ringgit note.

This cunning ass woman on the other hand, saw a 10 ringgit and 20 ringgit notes in my wallet and had the audacity to tell me: Why don’t you take this 5 ringgit back, and give me the 10 instead?. What can I do with this 5 ringgit.

Did this woman just shit on my face??

I couldn’t comprehend for a moment what just happened. The shopkeeper and I exchanged glances. I could see that the shopkeeper had a faint smile at the corner of her mouth.

Then it hit me: THIS WOMAN, IS A SCAMMER.

This is what she does. She asks people money, pretending to be hungry.

I must have gotten a little pissed off.

I told her: Aunty, you can take this 5 ringgit if you want, otherwise you can just leave. I am not going to give you 10 ringgit.

She looked at me, made shit face, took the money and left. Without even a thank you.

Coming back to the KL Sentral beggar situation, where do we draw the boundary between lending a helping hand, listening ear and empathizing people?.

Do they even need our help, or is it something embedded in our DNA? Well, in my DNA??

Where does this uncontrollable need to be people’s saviour come from? Could it be the way that I grew up that I feel like I HAVE to be the person who picks up after everybody’s problem, because if I don’t everything goes to hell?

Was there even the need to do so? Maybe everyone is perfectly capable of resolving their own problems. Due to my own DNA fault I put my head into other people's assholes.

Do people really just keep quiet when they are offered help, even if they don’t need it?.

I am sure there are times when we ….. not we I am told that well, no one asked you to help. You volunteered. Well, if I didn’t no one would have done it and it would have been a shit storm.

Why is there the need for me to become superman and dive in to help people?

I remember reading somewhere, if you tolerate shit long enough, you start to normalize it, and that shit is ok. Well shit is not ok.

People say that no good deed goes unpunished.

I say, if someone does not ask you to help them and you do it anyways, there is no value to the help that you extended.

Not only would it not be appreciated, you could be possibly be smothering people by your constant attention, care and empathy.

I don’t want to be a Superman. I want to wear my undies inside. I just don’t know how. I cant draw the boundaries for the people I care about. Maybe the problem is that I care too much too quickly.

Google: How to not care unnecessarily???

Inner Chatter, Saboteur, Growing Up

 I sat there quietly, entertaining the chatter in my head. It feels like a walk in the park today.

Makes me wonder. Am I the only person who has an inner chatter? Makes me feel a little special…also, can’t help feeling a little crazy at times.

Where does being self-sustained, talking to self stop and crazy begins??.

Disclaimer: I am not making a mockery of mental illness. Just sharing my experience and how I deal with it. So, you could kindly unbunch your panties and sniff it, it would be great…ok, don’t sniff it…its not cute.

Each to its own ya. To be honest, I have a love and hate relationship with my inner chat. Hate at first, can’t say I love it now but I am proud of it..

I use it to reason out and rationalize things. I talk to myself from a third person’s perspective.

The bad thing about it is….you have only your own perspective with chances of getting the situation all wrong.

Why? Because you are influenced by your emotions and baggages.

I went through situations when my inner chatter used to be my inner saboteur.

My mind recalls as many unpleasant things in the past.

Heck, the first thing I do when I wake up would be just that.

Whether it is something someone said, or the way they acted or reacted. It sucks me into having a ‘pretend’ conversation with them, sometimes for extended period of time.

I think about ways I could have said things differently.

In all those conversations, I would be Mr. Sassypants, saying things they could not argue with. If only there was a Mr. Sassypants competition I would have won something.

It took some time before I realized…that’s some crazy shit I’m doing. Why….? Because:

1.       That conversation is only a figment of my imagination.

2.       The conversation in my head may never happen.

3.       Pretending or pre-empting how I could react to a similar situation in future has almost a non-existent probability.

I have read time and time again that negativity attracts negativity. I think anger, frustration and grudge are pretty negative.

The irony is that the person you are having imaginary conversation with has no idea about it, or they might not even know that they have offended you.

To put things into perspective, people say lotsa things when they are upset. Heck, I say lotsa shite when I am.

Recently a friend of mind shared a youtube clip. In it, there was a sentence that caught my attention: NO ONE CAN HURT YOUR FEELINGS. Your feelings are your own.. and they said something else I can’t recall exactly. The gist of it is: your feelings come from your your own perspective. Whatever anyone else says or does, the choice is yours to take offense or not.

So why not choose to not be offended. Dismiss unpleasant thoughts or don’t indulge in it.

It is not easy. I have tried a million times and failed. I still fail now, but I fail trying.

I remind myself constantly it is not worth getting upset over things. Things I am not in control of. I am not even fully in control of myself, no way I can or ever be in control of other people or their thoughts.

So, what’s next?

Next is letting go.

Disclaimer: I don’t know what letting go is. My interpretation is: If I have let go of something, it means I am no longer triggered by or get upset by it. When or if I recall it, I am able to acknowledge that ‘it’ happened, and say it is ok. That’s letting go.

I failed many many times. For every time I succeed it is orgasmic and addictive.

Over time, I notice that I become less affected by things / people. I focus on my inner peace instead. People come and go and it is ok. I do cherish all the little things and blessings while it lasts. The little smile, gentle kiss, embrace, peace, all while it lasts. Then, with gratitude lets move on. Live and let live.

Remember the time someone reported my insta video with hundreds of likes. Things like this don’t bother me anymore. I used to be upset by it. Now, I have a clarity that I’m not going to stop posting new videos. I enjoy doing it, love the attention I get from it. On the other hand, I hope the person who reported it finds peace. For whatever reason my video was reported, it is ok…

Champion League Spandex

 Funny story. We were waiting for the lift to arrive to go for lunch. As usual, our public transportation gave a few reasons to mumble and complain. The door opens and our expat colleague is no where in sight. Since we have already skipped one lift, waiting for him to take a dump, we went in. as he rushed into the lift the conversation suddenly changed. My colleague with whom I was talking about our public transport asked the expat colleague: well the champions league just started.

The expat colleague was quick to add something. They were chatting excitedly. All I heard was blababalalalala blab la blalalalalalala pfftttt…

When we reached the ground floor, to add insult to injury, the expat colleague asked me. Yes ME!, he went: SO, DO YOU FOLLOW CHAMPION LEAGUE?.

The only thing I know about it would be the spelling. While I try to construct something intelligent, witty and probably a funny one liner…..he added: SO, NOTHING, ZERO….ZILCH?? I felt attacked.

Damn youuuuuuuuuuu expat colleague!…how in the world did he know…?

Guess what our lobby was FULL with people.

Hey if football was about guessing whos butt looked the best in shorts, I would have a PHD. Not pretty huge d**k you perves. Football is just………………………………………too complicated. Why don’t people talk about swimming, gymnastics, cycling……….in general sports where people wear spandex. Well that’s something to TALK ABOUT.