Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Monday, January 24, 2011

If These Affectionate 2 cant Make it Through, How About the Rest of the World?

the fairytale where two people meet, having nothing in common, hate each other initially, gradually getting attracted to one day realize they are in love with one another and cant live another day apart....

is just the stupidest kind of story men ever invented! 

the chances are if one is not attracted to the other at the first glimpse, he might not get attracted at all altogether..

(unless its hugh jackman..oohh YUMMY!)

hate at first, a grand gesture and BAM! love..

it is just stupid..how many of us are noble enough to give a second chance to someone who makes u want to vommit??

i dont think anyone likes vommit!

then again, to what extend to people go to make a lasting impression to their crush?

from the innocent messages sent at planet romeo to texting every 6 seconds (the frequency of a man having sexual thoughts)? 

or the conventional method of sending greating cards. birthday, teachers day, brother's day, penis day??? anything worth celebrating...

hmmm penis day...isnt that an interesting thought?? a grand creation that goes uncelebrated....

anyway, 

how about someone who attempts a grand gesture..

although highly subjective, say bringing over dinner / lunch? doing laundry or giving up a kidney....is it really worth it??

then there is a new breed in town. 
 
the kind that wants your attention at any cause...

to the point of irritating and agonizing you hoping that in any way the irritation would magically evolve...

ermm cant say evolve, takes to long.... rather, explode into something irresistable is just wishful thinking..

it is similar to not brushing teeth for a week and expecting a magical, most memorable kiss...why not expect death instead??.  

lets just assume that somehow, someway two guys do manage to work it out and stay in a relationship for 8 years (no pun intended), so when does the fairytale end and real life begin?

if these affectionate 2 cant make it, how about the rest of the world?

Friday, January 21, 2011

One of My Favourite Things: MEN








The sexiness, sex appeal, muscles and manliness can convert a straight man into a gay man and a gay man into rapist! 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Wouldn't that make the HA look like a DUMBO?

second week of the new year, i was blessed with a weird fever. 

my hands and feet were freezing while my face was burning. within a few hours i felt my entire body burning and strangely i did not sweat.  
to make matters worse, all my suffering from 11pm to 4.30am was almost in jeopardy as the fever gradually subsided when the day almost dawned putting me in a difficult situation to get MC.

the doctor who checked my temperature delivered the dreaded news. i do not have a fever.

F*CK!! i should have requested for the the thermometer to be inserted in other cavity...

would that have made any significant difference? probably not! ..why????

well to begin with, the 'person' who diagnosed me was not a DOCTOR! he was a HA. i dont understand why in rural areas, people are not entitled to be examined by a proper important. somehow the sickness experienced by people in rural areas are less significant that the HA can treat, prescribe medicine and ultimately find a cure.

why am i in a rural area?? we'll talk abt it another time.

i asked him why im having this terrible headache cascading to my neck, back and all the way to the hips. he coulnt give me a clear answer. i asked him why i feel so tired and weak, he was almost clueless....
 
why do i fell nauseous? no response...

i asked him if the two 500mg Vitamin C that i took at 2 hours interval last night could have subsided the fever?? he replied vitamin C doesnt subside the fever. i wanted to ask him, what could have possibly subsided the fever as around 11pm my whole body was burning up...but i didnt ask him that questions as ive got too many blank stares already...

the only thing he managed to do successfully the whole time i was in his room was to write me a MC>>after i requested it. i dont know what his qualifications were but i really think that he should have been more helpful with my condition. 

the least he could have done is tell me: 'ill write u a prescription for your fever and heacache symptoms, and if this condition doesnt not get better in 24 hours, then we will do further tests to eliminate other possibilities'. if he had done that, i would have been convinced that he actually is concerned about the patients.

now, the thought that lingers in my mind is that of an unqualified person, writing prescriptions to a bunch of unfortunate people who cant afford any better medical care and stuck with his virtues of nothingness...

isnt that just sad?

of course at the back of my mind, ive had a few theories for my condition ranging from viral fever. migrane to dengue for which muscle aches, nausea, headache, back pains and burning up during the night and normal during the day can be associated with. on this fine day i just have to be content with the MC. the only celebratory thing the HA was able to prescribe me.

I cant help wondering if this is what people go through in govenment hospitals. in my case, if tonight i experience the same symptoms, i would go to a private clinic to get a second opinion. how about people who cant afford such a luxury..?

what if my case was indeed far more serious than a prescribed paracetamol and thymol and requires further tests which the HA overlooked and not even aware of??

Wouldn't that make the HA look like a DUMBO?

Friday, January 7, 2011

For Her Sake He Gave Up His Ego, Whats Next, a KIDNEY??

go to a store pick a favourite thing, buy it>>simple

go to the gym pick an equipment, use it>>simple

create an account at PR, meet a guy, do watever>>simple and also exciting

meet someone, have a really good time, get along well with him>>BAGGAGE

why do relationships always come in a package deal..?.

u would think im talking about gay relationships again...thats where u go WRONG!!!

it is not just about gay relationship, also applicable to any relationships we can give a name to..

lets say we find a person we really like to spend time with...then it cascades into something more meaningful, physical relationship....errr...i dont think all of us do things in that order, anyways thats not im going to talk about.....

its just that when we get into a relationship, or anyone we know gets into a relationship, we are always part of the ecosystem who have to carry the baggage...

why is it not just limited to the person we like instead we get sucked into the person's family, friends, relatives....
 
the straights are not exempted in any way as well.

i have a friend who's sister got married early last year. they have had a very good relationship. they can talk for hours, go out together, hang out and my friend was gradually introduced to the sister's boyfriend..

he has a lot of respect for the boyfriend. the sister got engaged and later married. all of them worked in kl, so it only made sense that they move into the same house.

however, my friend was fully aware that there is a new member in the family and begins to keep a safe distance from the sister who was once a really good friend to him, not wanting to interrupt the newly weds at the same time still respecting the brother in law (BIL) and obeys to the BIL's requests out of that respect.

i need to tell everyone a little about my friend:
- he is the most outspoken person i know
- practical and speaks his mind
- direct to the point and doesnt get emotionally entangled in anything

i find that these qualities of him to be admirable..until parts of him got slowly chipped off a little by little.

he has lost those admirable qulities of him so much that his BIL seems to have taken him for granted. 

what used to be requests,  have slowly turned into demands. the way a boss speaks to his employee...

why is my friend still putting up with  this??i asked him the same question. 

he said: if i resort to be direct and outspoken to BIL, he would afterwards feel very awkward and shy to communicate with me. afterall my sister and i still have a really good relationship. we can still talk for hours when we want to. with him just beside us and not speaking a word. i think i need to give him at least that satisfaction and make him think that he can control me. maybe that would help him to fill the void in his mind where he could not connect to my sister the way i do. afterall my sister still asks me my opinion on the important things that she wants to do. i think he is just threatened and wants to mark his territory.

then i ask again:

'dont u get mad at him?' 

he replied: 'of course i do. im mad all the time at him. i want to yell at him. say things that run in my mind. crush his ego. wont take a minute to do that. then i think again. how do u think my sister would feel? i dont want her to choose between a brother and a husband'.

me: so are u going to leave it like that?

my friend: as much as it anger's me, i dont want to hurt him nor my pregnant sister. i want to make a clean exit. look for a house to call my own, where im the boss and hope that we would eventually realize how rude, inconsiderate and improper his behavious has been towards me. i dont want to get to the same low place he is. if i have to suck it up for a little longer so be it.
 
i dont know what has gotten into my friend, but if this is not love, i dont know what else is...for the sake of his sister he has let go of his own ego..so whats next, a KIDNEY??

i dont get it. maybe if i had a sister and i live in with her family it would make sense. but for now, i say:

MY ADMIRATION FOR HIM HAS JUST MULTIPLIED IN LEAPS AND BOUNDS..

i hope the BIL wakes from his sleep, for i know no man can be patient forever, and when my friend loses his patience, it will not be a good sight.

wake up u stupid loser BIL!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Day 2: Attempt to be Neutral

day 2: Attempt to be neutral with gay men.

It is not as difficult as i assumed it to be. for the record i have not mentioned anything sexual at any of my manjam and planetromeo accounts. 

lets look at the messages ive received up till 11am today...

on second thought, should I reveal it and SABO the privacy of people who sent me these messages...

ermm just a gist of it wont hurt i guess:

So, my readers, still think it is me, who is 'suggestive' or its the rest of the world?

 **a showcase of indian spices to drool with that.... 

xxx1808 not really but just wana know who am i chatting with ........ 04.01.11 10:43 

xxx1808 ok...........so who u stay with fren ? name n pic pls. not working... 04.01.11 10:30 3 

 xxx1808 hi how r u fren? xxx here(pic attached) in xxx too, if u don... 04.01.11 10:14 3 

 xxx best nyer boboy dlm renoma tu... 04.01.11 10:11 3 

 xxxinc so ur face pic? 04.01.11 08:37 3 

 xxxnakal30 hi dok mna? 04.01.11 08:34 3 

 xxx2011 hi how are you doing today..just wanna make friends here..we can... 04.01.11 08:06 3 

 xxx86 2 years ... :) but i will back on JUNE when summer holiday ... 04.01.11 07:30 3 

 xxxmash BBQ party? house warming party eh?? 04.01.11 06:20 3 

 xxxakim yeah..do u? 04.01.11 04:43 3 

 xxx698 yeah, now in bed. 04.01.11 02:42 3 

 xxxafi nice bod bro.....any face pic??? 04.01.11 02:23 3 

 xxxychi Happy new year 2011, Im xxx, 32 chn, 170 63kg from Klang seeking... 04.01.11 02:08 3 

 xxxmash ok cool..that means you wont be in a rush to go back to N9 or some... 04.01.11 00:18 3 

 xxx1984 yea..well, let see other time lo.. 04.01.11 00:18 3 

 xxxinc hahah....sure why not? but got to mms u...havent uploaded yet 04.01.11 00:17 3

 xxxmash okie doks..are u gonna be here all weekend? 04.01.11 00:15 2 

 xxx1984 haha..cannot lah...so srry man... 04.01.11 00:14 2 

 xxxinc dunno where's xxx... think not so far from... 04.01.11 00:12 2 

 xxxmash should be free by 530 - 6pm..movie sounds great..which movie tho'?... 04.01.11 00:08 2 

 xxx1984 :) haha... 04.01.11 00:08 2 

 xxx1984 oh..not really..haahha...usually meet outside o their place 04.01.11 00:06 2 

 xxxsmash this friday? so far no plan...wanna go out? 04.01.11 00:04 2 

 xxx1984 stay with frens 04.01.11 00:02 2 

 xxxinc think u didnt tell me...ok glad to know that...Which part of xxx... 04.01.11 00:02 2 

 xxxmash hahahahaha good exercise tho..you've prob got bigger thighs/legs now... 04.01.11 00:00 2 

 xxx1984 oic...ok also.. 04.01.11 00:0
  
How about yesterday?: 

xxxpoenk yes, i think it is i dont watch it tho ;p 03.01.11 23:59 2 

 xxx1984 ic..but sorry lo..i dun hav any other pic in my profile..only that..... 03.01.11 23:55 2 

 xxxmash hello there...wow what an eventful weekend u just had huhu as for me,... 03.01.11 23:54 2  

 xxxpoenk happy new year handsome! x budi 03.01.11 23:54 2 

 xxx1984 everymonth will increase..but sometimes too lazy, or busy with work,... 03.01.11 23:41 2  
 
xxx698 sound like u like surprise...heheehe, i'll make sure to give u one... 03.01.11 23:39 2  
 
xxx698 hahahaha...u gota be kidding me. dun give sudden visit. i dun like... 03.01.11 23:30 2  
 
xxx1984 ah?? previously i just do it 50 times per day..that is 1 years ago..... 03.01.11 23:30 2  
 
xxx1984 usually 100 times per day..yea..just touch.. :) ur body just turn me... 03.01.11 23:24 2  
 
xxx698 hahaha. u r welcome 03.01.11 23:21 2  
 
xxx1984 well, at least u r fit..nice body to touch..hehe 03.01.11 23:16 2  
 
xxxkills thanx bro...:-) 03.01.11 23:15 2  
 
xxx1984 u doing home gym??great man...can learn some for u? i also did some... 03.01.11 23:10 2  
 
xxx1984 ic..me too.. :) so late havent get sleep?? 03.01.11 23:08 2  
 
xxxtura yupe.. i'll survive.. as usual.. hahahahha.. 03.01.11 23:07 2  
 
xxx1984 u r welcome..which part of xxx u stay at ? i stay at... 03.01.11 23:05 2  
 
xxxtura :) saya prefer utk tidak sexy..huhuhu.. maaf..saya baru patah hati.. 03.01.11 23:03 2  
 
xxx1984 well, nice body.. :) 03.01.11 22:54 2  
 
xxxtura maaf..saya tak sexy 03.01.11 22:40 2  
 
xxxilia hello 03.01.11 21:37 2  
 
xxxiss04 salam... 03.01.11 21:08 2  
 
xxxong u have nice and sexy body, yummy 03.01.11 21:00 2  
 
xxxa86 yea .... quite cold ... Thanks .. ^3^ 03.01.11 20:51 2ikhmal_hakim nop...happy new year! 03.01.11 
20:48 2
 
xxxkim hye... 03.01.11 20:34 2  
 
xxxman00 yeah, i beat your muscle getting tone n fit... how is life in the new... 03.01.11 20:21 2  
 
xxxman00 nope, too crowded everyway, watching TRON on new year eve.... Nothing... 03.01.11 20:16 
2
 
xxxa86 haha ... Then is fine ... :P I succes get a MASTER scholarship here... 03.01.11 20:15 2  
 
xxxman00 hi hottie how r u. 03.01.11 20:07 2  
 
xxxa86 yes I do chat in msn ... but I seldom there ..... most of the time in... 03.01.11 20:07 2  
 
xxaif nice profile..nice blog 03.01.11 19:53 2  
 
xxxa86 Nice to hear that .... Im Nelson here ... nice to meet you ..... well... 03.01.11 19:26 2  
 
xxxaman pic plz.. 03.01.11 17:45 2  
 
xxxrried hi, there, dont know why but always feel attracted to Hindu guy 03.01.11 16:55 2  
 
xxxisha hi 03.01.11 16:52 2  
 
xxx234 hey ya....waddup!!! bole bagi pic? 03.01.11 16:46 2  
 
xxxtiE do u want? 03.01.11 16:25 2  
 
xxxuse owh stay with? 03.01.11 16:20 2  
 
xxxuse hi dude how are u?just silent 03.01.11 16:17 2  
 
xxxc69 hi 03.01.11 16:14 2  
 
xxxa86 Hi arun ... well ... I hope you not mind that making friend with me... 03.01.11 16:05 2  
 
xxxomo Why not take it into action and not in words? =) 03.01.11 15:58 2  
 
xxxa86 Can I know you ~~ ? 03.01.11 15:55 2  
 
xxx1820 r u top man ? 03.01.11 15:55 2  
 
xxomo Hi Arun Hmm..why ooppss after saying that u wanna rape me?? Heheh!! 03.01.11 15:54 2  
 
xxxdang Face pics, dear? 03.01.11 15:54 2  
 
xxxries1 thx, u looked good gud too~ 03.01.11 15:51 2  
 
xxxpleF can i hv your contact number pls>>>> 03.01.11 14:39 2  
 
xxx2010 Hey there! Wanna meet up for fun?Brian 03.01.11 14:30 2  
 
xxxpleF orite...i got afew pr boys there b4.. u work? 03.01.11 13:43 2  
 
xxxt99 not there yet dude planning a trip 03.01.11 13:41 2  
 
xxxgeh hi do u have a ym 03.01.11 13:33 2  
 
xxxanya ok 03.01.11 13:32 2  
 
xxxpleF take u for my petboy..haha.. no lah juz fo frens../ where u live?... 03.01.11 13:31 2  
 
xxx_86 hye kat mana aku 24 m 165 51 flex area melawati my pic... 03.01.11 11:17 2  
 
xxxct99 hi very nice dude 03.01.11 09:12 2

there is one message in which i lapsed. but one lapse is allowed i guess.... can anyone spot it??

Monday, January 3, 2011

Few Months to Attempt at Friendship and See if I am Capable of it!

last week turned out to be a super exhausting week. the weekend was even WORSE.

in everybody's mind, the most reasonable thing to be exhausted from around this time of the year would be from partying, clubbing, hanging out, and all the nice things. 

unlucky for for me...it was none of the above. i was kept busy by doing the most physically exhausting boring work. whats left for me to celebrate this week is muscle soreness, sleepiness and tiredness. 

even though the weekend almost put an end to my physical being, friday night however was a little interesting and 'fun'...

i was at my 'buddy's' place late evening and after a tiring 'activity' we had a good chat till the wee hours..

the chat went to a tricky part. apparently Y has had a few relationships and he is still looking for a relationship that he can call his own. he is one of the optimistic few who thinks he can make it work. just by that sentence i think we all know my stand on this one. while he was all enthused talking about his experiences. when it was my turn, it was a totally different scenario. i told him: 

me: y, i have not been in a relationship, i dont think it would ever work, men think with their penis, do u think we can be faithful?. 
y: do you have any gay friends that you do not sleep with?

i was quite surprised at that question and more surprised at my answer.

me: y, i do not know what i am (straight / bi / gay), what i want (relationship. ONS), im  27 and still i dont seem to know about this. i freak out at the i dea of anyone from my family or friends knowing about my extra curricular activies.. i suppose when i meet gay men that is exclusively for sex.

i really didnt realize that this is what i have been doing all these while when i meet men. and true enough when the first meet is for heating up the sheets there is very little interest to get to know the person / personality better. i just didnt seem to realize that before.

y: are u serious? u only meet gay men for sex?
me: (i he trying to make me feel guilty?) im all confused and dont know what i want, im allowed to do that y!!..(nice save!!)

y: i think its time for you to make friends with gay men and not have sex with them.
me: is that even possible??
y: yeah! its the same with straight people. guys have friends who are women and they dont have sex with all of them!
me: im not sure if i can do that. when i know for a fact that he is sexually attracted to me and we are confined in a space where there is no one else, how do i not make the advances?
y: of course u can..
me: meeting guys and keeping my hands with myself??

y seems to have it all pretty clearly figured out. he has his friends over, exes, friends of exes and they all hangout together at his place. he is out to almost everyone other than his own family and seems to be HAPPY!

while I on the other hand get stunned by the mere mention of the word GAY!

well, y is a designer and we did talk about how gay men are generally more acceptable in the fashion / design field. so, i asked y: 

me: y, do your friends and boss at work know u are gay? 
y: yes they do
me: did you tell them of your sexual preference?
y: not exactly telling them in person, but when we go for lunch, i check out boys and i tell them the things i like. in our conversations i also talk about my boyfriend stuff...

by the way, even though y is a designer, he is very straight acting and has no hint of effeminacy in him...just if someone is wondering.

me: (LUCKY BASTARD!!!, i should have become a designer, where the grass is way greener!!)

so y convinced me to have more gay friends with whom i dont make sexual advances. 

and tell u what, im on a quest of doing it. who knows what i might realize.

lucky me there is a Malaysian student studying in Korea who wants to know me better. to be on the safe side, i cant 'rape' him over dinner since he is beyond my reach...what happens when comes back for his semester break is anybody's guess

but at least i have a few months to attempt at friendship and see if i am capable of it! 
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