The One About Compliments

as embarassing, and vain it sounds, it is impossible to deny that we like compliments. 

'hey dude you look cute, can i know u better?', 'hi, your body makes me go crazy', 'do you workout in the gym, which gym do you go to? can i join?', 'nice underwear collection, can i see you in them?', 'can you teach me how to work out? i want to look like you', 'u have a very nice bulge, cant wait to taste your brown candy'>>>NOSE BLEED!!

worse than liking expecting compliments is to admit that we only enjoy it when it comes from people who we like.

it is not that difficult to relate to. we get extremely excited when the compliments come from people who are up to our expectations. 

in my case, if the compliments comes from chunky legged, juicy butt, smooth, cute guys, i go to a temporary orgasmic state. these characteristics drive my hormones crazy and by hormones i am referring none other than testosterone

before you guys go on judging and cursing me let me explain that it doesnt mean that i dont appreciate compliments from others. nor do i choose to ignore them. the only minor difference that it makes is the fact that i dont go to the orgasmic state compared to when it comes  from chunky legged, juicy butt, smooth, cute guys....

its in short a form of recognition. the same way it feels when compliments come from real people / friends as opposed to online social websites. falls short of the 'feel'.

men do think about sex every 6 seconds. so what's wrong to think about it every 5 right?

as far as the orgasmic state is concerned....compliments can be a freaking turn off (again, in my case) if it comes from someone who puts celebrity / famous athlete's pictures as their profile picture...(no picture is the worst of its kind)

beyond my comprehension!!

i think there is a very obvious difference between being discreet and LAME!

the worst thing however does not end there..these 'discreet' brad pitt / johnny depp lookalikes go further go by asking to go out / coffee / sex....

kinda stupid isnt it?

i wonder if anyone responds to these profiles. i mean what could possibly it lead to? 

companionship>>with shadows??

love>>with shadows??

sex>>with freaking shadows?? ONESOME is still better i suppose.

obviously i am yet to comprehend it.... but if there is (obviously there is) someone who actually does that, i would appreciate shedding a light or to to make me undesrstand it..

ciao! 

Perfectionist Freak!

it is yet again that time of the year where people start making resolutions. 

for those who has made one / many last year, it would probably be the best time to have a second look at it, maybe let out a big sigh and start making new resolutions for 2011. 

resolutions are somewhat similar to masturbation >>for men! (sorry ladies, dont know how it is for the ladies). 

for men, it is a highly anticipated, adrenaline pumping action, actively pursued, with high motivation, and extremely very exciting in the beginning to somewhere towards the end of the 'session'....

and then to that final stoke of 'lightning' and ending up with multiple earth shattering shivers of explosive shooting mayonnaise with tingly, lusty sensation that .................

wait a second...on second thought, resolutions are not similar to masturbation after all.

at least with masturbating we are assured that final sense of 'fake' satisfaction...resolutions just make people depressed!

it is made with such high anticipation and is quickly forgotten by the end of the week. at the wake of a new year we realized all the things we wanted to achieve and did not achieve throughout the year and BAM!!!>clinical depression...ok, ok,,not as serious as clinical depression.

years ago, i remember making a resolution to reading at least one book a year. shortly after taht i realised how much i hate reading. it happened when a few days after picking the da vinci's code, i got restless after several failed attempts of reading it on bed (NO! i wasnt doing any other activity on bed)...i just felt asleep..first day, 10 pages>>zzzz.............second day 13 pages>>zzzzzz......fifth day threw the book away and watched the movie (p.s: what the fuss is all about about this particular book, i will never know!)

then i made a resolution of doing one good deed a day, no matter how small it is, to make the world a better place (i know, LAMO!). i even resorted to writing it down in a little book just to make sure i stick to the plan.

one fine day, i realized that i have lost that little book and gone with the book is also the interest to keep doing the good deed. it is just not worth it. felt like swimming upstream!.

getting a pet, being calmer, charitable, happy, doing a satisfying job with better pay, better bonus, better prospecsts...through the years all of these formed parts of my resolutions..to a certain extend, they did became a reality but never did it go to the level of expectations or standards that i set for them.

obviously the is a negative side to it ..

i dont know about you guys but i have the tendency to push my limits too far. take going to the gym for instance. even if i have completed the reps i wanted, i still push myself for that muscle soreness....

where it gets to point where lifting a limb becomes a challenge. the days to follow, suffering from butt aches is what gives me that satisfaction of working out...

its definitely not a good thing because as quickly the results show, they disappear just as quick..whoever said pushing the limits is a good thing must be an idiot...

ring a bell with resolutions?? pushing the limits to something that we have absolutely no control over can only result in: GREAT DISAPPOINTMENTS when what we aspire could not be reached. 

so why make resolutions??

i not made any resolutions for 2010 and dont intend not to make any for the time to come..

just living the moment and hoping a really hot guy would find me irresistable and impossible to live without..

HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!

The Ugly Truth

i am entirely happy with the way i am. 

whoever claims to that would be a complete liar. living without regrets on the other hand is entirely a different story. 

which would be a bigger sin? being in denial or unaware of living in denial?

what are u talking about dude?

>>i can almost hear it. 

long time ago, when i was a lot thinner, a lot less muscular, had mustache (yes, i did) and were not living in kl, i used to tell myself: 

there isnt anything about me that i would change. 

it was all part of living a positive live. who was i kidding. apparently it was a denial. why?

because everytime i look at my surroundings there was something that i want to adapt to. to make it my belonging (im not talking about my best friend's boyfriend ok!). for an instance, i envied the university football players because i think it would have felt awesome to be a part of a winning team for the university. and being sweaty in footballer's body would have felt awesome!!

at that time my entire world revolved around the campus and my closely knit friends. it was ok to not be muscular, attractive with unkept hair. under that circustance, i wouldnt have changed a thing. my group of friends consisted of 5-7 people at any time. probably there were lesser people to compare to. so, better chances at being happy....err more satisfied with what we what i had.

now, in the working environment, more attractive and good looking people have better voice and recognition, it is envitable for one to look presentable>>a fancy word for good looking. the bigger the city is, the more obvious it gets.

it is probably true that if one looks good, one can almost get away with anything..dont believe me?? believe it.

good looking people are more confident>>a fancy word for more demanding and stand better chances at interviews. 

and...sex......oooh mama! wider range and market for cuter, more muscular group..been there done that.....

isnt that an ugly truth? 

>>not really!

yes there are people who are naturally gifted with good looks....

what the hell it means??

>>ill explain.

what i think is a positive body image can be categorized as below. this is not a stereotype. just divide them to realistic categories and it is not entirely impossible.

1. Skin: clean, clear skin. face, body and elsewhere. forget the tone, clean, odourless skin is a turn on. 

2. Body type: obviously most of us are not born muscular..so train! go to the gym. if thats too much to ask for, anyone with legs could run. so do it. ever seen how the legs of sprinters look? fuc*ing hot!! it is more about a healthy body image and being overweight and clumsy is not a healthy one. then take it one step higher. 

3. Speech: talking proper language. not butchered malay or broken english. pick a language where ideas can be presented and stick to it. dont do the manglish or tanglish of chinglish.....that reflects poor education...at least i think so.

4. Clothes: branded, designer clothes?? save it for sexdates. they are not necessary for daily usage. good fit and colour that matches the skin tone can do wonders. if you have chicken legs, please stay away from skinny jeans because thats just disgusting. if u have huge chunky legs (with definition) do wear them coz thats shlurrppyy!

so what is a bigger sin? saying one is not gifted in the looks department or not doing anything about it??

dont let others have the upper hand. own the upper hand! 

Doctors and Urinals

 
a cute doctor told me today: i was just thinking about you today in the clinic and it has been a while since you posted an article at your blog. is everything allright?

it was short. it was brief but it was the exact thing that i had to hear to make me warm and cosy inside. we are yet to meet. exchanged a few messages in planetromeo and it feels really good that someone shows a random act of kindness.

ok, too much mushy and pinky stuff is not good for health..we are butch and burly! ROAR!!!

how many of us pee in the urinal? more often than not, even if there is plenty of urinals available, i find myself reaching out for the cubicle.


if we are talking about stereotypes, can we say that gay men have higher tendency to go to the urinals? well, i think it has been well established that i would be included in the stereotypes and im going to prove it is not a gay think.. CURIOUS, read on..!

im sure that i am not alone in this case. my good friend that i have come out to recently also pees in the cubicle.

in fact, he has never ever peed at the urinals. i have. if i find that there is no one at the loo, i have no problems doin it at the urinal..

i cant speak for himself but i am pretty clear about doing it in the cubicle and this is why:


or, wait a sec, lets me put a little more thought into this.

its not that i hav enever ever peed in the urinal and no i dont think its haunted or i am a neat prick like the lady from desperate housewives or monica who has to clean the toilet 47 times a day...i have no problem with that. in fact i cant remember the last time i cleaned the toilet in my room.. (too much information!)

i have done it in my office, rest area in the highway and everywhere else where people have urinals..but when there is no one else there...


the reason i reach out to the cubicle (still speaking for myself) is because i have my 'junk' nicely 'encased' and tugged into place, completely sealed off from showing any accidental erection.

yes ACCIDENTAL erection because im not a perve having an erection 24-7. so after unwrapping, wrapping it back and putting it into its place can take a while..and it has to be put in a specific location otherwise i couldnt stand up when a cute guy in slacks bends over. fine, im a little pervy!

while it could be possible for some race (who have smaller, shorter penises, no offense) to pee pee, shake shake and throw it back into the underwear (lucky bastards!!>>or not??)

i could never park it upstraight. if i did the head would pop out of my pants...

besides, i hate pee residue in my underwear. by the time i reach home and want to change, the smell can be quite ....quite not to my preference.

although i have been told that the smell is a turn on for some...>>not for me!

there is also something else that id like to consider. a good shake ..

and NO im NOT talking about masturbating in the office (could i have done that before???)

shaking off here means extracting all the liquid from the long tube (size and length may vary from tube to tube)..

so, seriously i dont think its really a gay thing.

its more like the dilemma faced by some people who just have to put it, wrap it and place it in a certain way...and since it takes a while to get it right. peeing in the cubicle could be the best thing that these (me!) people can do...its not rocket science..just facts.


the next time u see a guy going to the cubicle, dont be too quick to judge.and tell yourself:

HE HAS TO BE GAY!!!

he might just have bigger, longer junk than you..

while one doctor triggered this post, i ended up calling another one by the time i finished writing this post..i think he has concluded this post...

p.s: he pees at the urinal...ermm what could this possibly mean??

only one way to find out.

Speedbump. Should I be Excited or Worried?

speedblock...!

when i first joined this company from one that was of a totally different field, i was very enthused. motivated and wanted to achieve everything in the sun. i was very hardworking, diligent and had no guidance from my superior.

i resorted to asking my senior colleagues for guidance. they were helpful and at the same time were doing things differently from my superior. 

when i ask my boss about the things i dont understand, he remains silent...without a reaction!

when i ask further, he makes his shit face...

oh, by the way he has shitty face on a regular basis, im beginning to think its genetics. he doesnt seem to have a lot of friends. probably because he thinks he knows better than the rest of the world.>>not true!

this was going on for sometime...

ASK THE OTHER SUPERIORS DUDE, i can almost hear that....the trend in my company is that the moment we ask someone else, the news goes to the immediate superior faster than lightning and we would be subjected to 'unpleasant' interview by the shitty face! 

then one day, i told myself that i am not going to ask anything from this useless shitty face. im going to learn everything by myself and going to be better than him..

plus not having a shitty face makes me a pleasant person..with brains i would be unreputed! (theme song playing in the background)...! 

that was 3 years ago.. 

what changed over the years? independence. not thinking shit face knows all. working things out and able to make decisions to a certain extend... final approval still comes from the management aka shit face. 

i dont refer or ask him unless its absolutely necessary...

ok fine!. tell me what are the characteristics of a good boss...no! im not talking about teaching stuff. we are not in school anymore. working environment is a dog eat dog world. i get that. im not expecting a special treatment. 

a boss is not necessarily a person who teaches stuff. but he is definitely one that can lead to the correct way of doing things. at least tell me where i can get the information to get the work done. not leaving the documents on my desk and expect me to resolve the issues magically.. am i a magician or something? stupid shit face...

TELL HIM U NEED HELP DUDE, can almost hear that too...you would think i dont say it. i have asked, admitted that i dont know certain things to an extend to emailing him and cc to other boss since he becomes deaf to my questions. but i guess its true. once a shit face always a shitface. not capable of anything more than shit...he ignores it.

one fine day he told me: i see you diligently doing your work and i am getting worried that you might overtake me.

the first time shit face said it, i took it as a joke. second time, i wasnt smiling. third time i asked myself: why would he be worried when he has been doing the job for 20+ years and is an associate director. ive just joined the company recently.

i must look likea superman to him, for him to be threatened.

should i be excited or worried?

that his apparent fear might interfere with my learning process and progress......? or maybe all the defensiveness is just a reflection of him not knowing that much of what he is doing thus he escapes from my questions to avoid saying he is not sure or dont know...

honestly, i think one can only run for so long. there will be a time when he has to face me. the longer it is, the more humiliating it would be..

To Kill or not to Kill (Part 2: Get a Life Dude!)

sometimes we regret the decisions we make, wishing for a second chance.

we keep telling ourselves: If only i have done things differently. keep wondering of the positive consequences if the situation were any different.

could it have led to a better future?? thats just wishful thinking..not at all practical...i call these people dreamers. am i one? i dont think so. i feel part of being practical is not regretting our decisions. for a fact i know i havent regretted any of mine.

as much as i think that i want to be practical, i couldnt help wondering how different it would have been if i havent met certain people. take the guy ive talked about in my post 'To Kill or not to Kill'. im freaking glad i killed that relationship..

why am i reacting this way?...i try and try not to be judgemental about him. but i guess theres is only so much that can be endured by a human being.

after the last phone call back in May where i said: u are just irritating me....it wasnt the last of him..

he kept texting.......missed calls were not foreign, forwarded messages, tell me about it...

it was a simple and direct decision. things did not work out and would not work out between us. i felt trapped, cheated and irritated. does that sound like something u want to linger in your life...i didnt want it and i knew it.

we had our differences. it was not rocket science. then the downward spiral...

first, came forwarded messages, next asking back for the things we exchanged (noy by me!), then the missed calls, and saying he would start working at a neighbouring country which made no significance to me.

i guess he just didnt get the fact that i did not want anything to do with him. ANYMORE!

i made up my mind. i am not going to respond. probably best for both parties. i had and still respect him as the person whom i originally got acquainted to, instead of the desperate, attention seeking, obsessive, compulsive, annoying person he has become. i never responded to any of the messages or missed calls.

but like i said a human being can be patient only for so long....

after 6 months of ignoring him, came another message:

have u been telling about me to others? please stay away from me..and i went:

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE!?

 dont u have any shame??

it was you, who displayed the act of desperation. it was you who seeked the attention when i was no longer interested. it was you who were obsessed when i didnt want a relationship. it was you who just couldnt understand when i said its over...and u have the guts to send that message to me?

are u retarded or something dude? how stupid can you be? do u really think u are worth my time and efford?

seriously dude, grow up. do your homework. have proof before you talk. trash talk, is not my thing. i am not raised to be a backstabber. i know better.

but serious dude, its time for you to grow up. or are u having the delusion of being the most desirable man in the world that everyone is trying to frame you for something that they could have you only for themselves??

yuck! grand delusion!

it is time for you to realize things will never ever work out between us, so stop trying to get my attention. i have a life, a good one and i have met incredible, matured people.

you are the exact opposite of them.....

i want nothing to do with you, and if u still dont get that, maybe my blocking you off all my profiles would make u realize that...

i dont gain anything by trash talking you. u are not even my type and it was me who ended things with u. if u had the slightest common sense, u would have been able to realize that...

and when i say i dont want anything to do with you, i am fucking serious about it.

Get a Life, Dude! 

Gym (Part 1: How Pathetic Was I?)

the first time i entered a gym years ago, it turned out to be a really selfconcious and self doubting experience.

i just started working in muar and this particular gym caught my eye. it was somewhere near the hospital on the first floor of a shop house.

i went there a few days earlier to ask about the rate per entry. i was not sure about becoming a member back then (hmmm in still not a member of any gym!! scratching head!).

i went up the stairs after work and i could hear all the metal clunking sound. i was very enthused. i was dressed up in my office wear so i had a lot of confidence (i look gooooddd in my office wear). i went through the door and my jaw dropped for two reasons!!!!

the first reason being: the gym was so worn out. the carpet hat gaping holes in them and theres a very obvious salty scent to the whole room. it could possibly be urine or sweat or a combination of both. it was very interesting to learn that there wasnt any changing room.

too much for my fetish to be become true so soon....however, there was a bathroom which was no longer in use / or a big closet (cant really recall) used for changing.

no one ever uses these rooms for changing except me!!!! and the bathroom which was indeed in use is a traumatic experience i dont want to talk about....the equipment on the other hand were worn out and started to rust.

the second reason: despite the worn out condition of the gym, i noticed that the guys who went there (indonesians and some chinese guys) we so delicious! i couldnt tahan their deliciousness..a few days later i made up my mind that i am going to this particular gym afterall.

on my big first day, i went to the so called big closet to change. i was mesmerized by the scent of cat urine in it. i didnt know i could hold my breath for so long. i could have easily survived the titanic. i asked the chinese uncle if there was any trainer in the gym and the uncle asked an indonesian guy to teach me the basics..

i dont think he was a trainer...just someone from my wet dream...(whoopss!!)

now, before we go deeper into that, let me tell about how i behave in the gym.

i am actually not an arrogant bastard at gym. it is not an impression that i consciously give out in the gym. im just a guy who is pretty private in the gym..ok fine, i dont know how to make friends in gym..

my social skills are impaired when i see delicious, sweaty men in tiny pants. i become self concious and retract from any form of conversation... what can i do??
 

so this indonesian guy was showing my the basics and all i could think about was licking his biceps. god, it was so big and sweaty. he had a spaghetti strap kind of singlet on him and i all i can think about was mounting him!!

i get a feeling that poeple are watching me at gym, and i hate when there are other guys waiting for me to finish my reps at an equipment..im already self concious as it is..!

maybe if i had some friends the or able to make one, i wouldnt have been so concious..

unfortunately i was the only guy in the gym who had to go to the cat urine aromatheraphy closet to change..

how pathetic was i???

while the yummy men were so confident and changing in public or wearing the tiniest of pants and sitting with their legs spread out shirtless exposing their bulge!! 

What is This About, I don't Seem to Get an Answer

when we were kids our world revolved around our parents. 

we seek them for attention, for love and being accompanied by our parents made perfect sense. it provided and fulfilled our emotional needs and we were happy. 

a few years later, we find that our parents can no longer be 100% part of our lives and we seek friends to fulfill that emotional need. while parents still play an important role, our world starts to revolve around our friends.

puppy love, going for movies, yumcha and gossiping. during the teenage years sometimes we think that our friends are the most hip and happening people around. then we leave our school mates, tuition mates and kindergarden mates and enter university. 

here we see the true colours of people. the good ones, the really good ones, the bad ones and the ones you wish you dont see for the rest of your lives. 

parents take a back seat, we inform them of our very important decisions as we are capable of making decisions by ourselves.

enter the working environment. we find ourselves having even lesser really good friends. colleagues just seem to have an agenda all the time. we get introduced to the world of office politics, backstabbing, jealousy and arrogance.

the next step is seeking for spousal love. 

even though i am very lucky in the sense that i can still talk about everything i want to my parent (except the gay part), siblings, relatives and my really good friends from university, there is somehow a longing for a special kind of love and attention. 

with all my travelling lately, i find myself on the lookout for that special kind of attention but not from frm friends, family or relatives.

it maybe about companionship or attention. despite the fact that i have a healthy relationship with my friends, family and relatives i still find myself staring at the ceiling asking myself....what is this about?

and i dont seem to get an answer.

My First Encounter (Part 2: That Was The Last Time I Saw Him )

i must have had my common sense cap that day. i didnt fleet the scene. the reason for the 'exploding butterflies' was the fact that he was not what i expected him to be physically.

some guys dress up in a very 'gay' way. extremely plunging neckline, bow ties, vests, skin tight pants which are normally white or grey, tank top, white shoes....i think we are familiar with the concept..i wasnt judging him, but he was everything that was not my taste.

he was at his gate wearing a combination of them...i was taken aback... he didnt look like that in his friendster profile. not only that, he was chubby...and a little effeminate... he had this shy feminine walk...

i was confused...so i got down from my car....shook his hand and smiled at him. i was honoring him for meeting me for the simple fact that i didnt share my face picture or any of my picture until i was at his gate..i had to do it..!

i couldnt fleet the scene. it is rude and disrespectful...and to fleet when i was in fact at his front gate was just mean...i couldnt do it.

we walked into his house...there was a bed on the living room...i went: 'hmmm this is a very obvious signal..more obvious that it has to be'....of course i didnt say that out loud...

we sat on his bed....

 

and.....

we talked.!!

even though i was not sexually attracted to him, i still had a lot of respect for him and i wanted a friend. a gay one. to talk to. to make me feel i was not alone. so we talked...

after a while we decided to go for dinner. i was introduced to queer as folk. couldnt take my eyes of the tv...and he just kept talking...!

then gradually, it came down to the sex part.

i was nervous and excited at the same time. i havent seen a guy naked in person before....and he said he needs to change..he came back wearing a boxer and a tshirt. he was concious at how he looks naked and he had to turn the lights off before coming to the bed.

i had a choice of whether to do it or not with him...i didnt come all the way to just eat the icing off the cake..i WANTED THE CAKE!!!

at that time, i didnt even know what top and bottom was...i knew about the intercourse but wasnt familiar with the terms. he gave me a little oral...and was kissing all over my body (i must have turned him wild....hehem!)..

then it was the time to 'insert the coin into the coin slot'.

and i didnt no how!!!

yes, it was a totally embarassing moment!!

he must have been a fan of bareback but i told him: NO GLOVES, NO LOVE!

then he said: wait i think i have one in my room>>>LAMO!!!

and then he didnt have any lubes..

i push and i push and i push....he was enjoying it, and i was in pain...my dick hurt! so we tried stationary, doggy and other styles...until i found a style that worked...and then i guess we know the drill..

it went on for about an hour or so...till i came. then i realized....the whole experience was rather empty..the wasnt any intimacy, connection or even passion..just two guys having sex. BLANK was one would that could summarize it all...

i continued watching QAF and he went to sleep....

the next way..he was trying to wake me up..first he was subtle...then more obvious....by giving me a little bj....

while i was still at the blank state from yesterday night and sleep deprived...i wanted to reciprocate...but i couldnt..i dont know why..i couldnt pull myself together to reciprocate.

there was a boner but ...nothing more..he tried, then he really tried....and kept trying for a long time....

and i did...

i came.

afterwards, i went to wash myself up, take shower and we went for breakfast....

that was the last time i saw him... 

My First Encounter (Part 1: all the butterflies in my tummy EXPLODED!! )

The first time it happened was 2 years ago. 

I was 25 and was clueless about how to do it. I was not a fan and still am not one of the various techniques and styles showcased on the internet, at least watching it isnt my passion. 

It was all trial and error. Watching other people doing is somewhat revolting. Experiencing it however is a totally different story.

It was on a weekend. I was curious and eager to do it. The fact that the guy was all the way in seremban and i am in kl was a big factor in deciding whether i should do it. 

I asked myself: do i really want to do this? Well, i didnt get an answer for that question that particular weekend. At the back of my mind i knew that being 25 years old and asking myself if i was gay wasn’t going to do me any good. I just have to do it, to experiment, figure it all out so to speak. 

 He was from Friendster. I used to have a few postings back then in Friendster and people seemed to enjoy reading them. despite the fact that i didn’t put any of my picture in Friendster, people were still commenting and finding pleasure in them. so it wasnt my imagination that some did find my  ramblings interesting.

I just uploaded arjun rampal's picture (god must have made him when he had a lot of time!). 

so this guy was also a follower of my postings and we started exchanging messages for a while. we exchanged numbers later.

On a Friday night, he called me. It was a good conversation. A conversation that lasted for hours until my ears started burning. The next morning, he text me and asked me what i was doing. 

and like  lighting it hit me. i wanted to do him. no more procrastinating. im already 25 for gods sake!!.

Apparently he was also 'free' that day and we agreed to meet up in seremban. not in seremban town, not seremban parade but IN HIS HOUSE! so i wasnt the only one anticipating sex that day.

I drove to seremban from kl. Parked in front of his house and called him: 

Me: Dude, im at your front gate.

Him: ok ill be just outside.

I was anticipating hi presense. At that moment i wasn’t sure what to expect. Had butterflies in my tummy. He is the first gay man that i was going to meet in person. i hace been anonymous and i was going to put a face to my friendster profile. thinking about it now, it was quite lame!!

at that time my worries were very real.

Even though he had his face picture on Friendster, i didn’t know what to expect about his body..of course i needed to know how his body looked like since i was pretty darn sure by the end of the day, i would be doing him...

unfortunately for me, there wasnt any body picture on his friendster. i heard the unlocking of the gate....i didnt want to look....not to look to obvious...

then i turned..praying he was chubby...

i saw him...

all the butterflies in my tummy EXPLODED!! 

Would You Really Like Your Mom to See What You Do Behind Closed Doors?

 imagine putting sexy muscular men in a room together in a close proximity...dancing together, sweating and rubbing each other...the thought of it evokes a sense of naughtiness and desire to be in that imaginary room...

The lesser clothes the more intriguing it gets, the thought of it, the feel of it gradually sets the mood for naugtiness....put them in trunks, throw some water and that could easily become a wet dream come true...

we are minorities dominated by our penis..its not a bad thing...we even commonly accepted that fact amongst us. at one point or another we have initiated or received messages that says: im horny, wanna meetup?

i dont know about the rest but i really am not embarassed to admit it....it is who i am..

Don’t get me wrong, but as exciting as it is to think about it, experience it and embracing it, is it really necessary to rub that feeling and desire at everybody's face??.. LITERALLY!

well we all do that and we like doing it, what i dont get however is the fact we let the world identify us by this STEREOTYPE...

at some point we have all heard a conversation that sounds like this: hey, he's gay, he sucks dick and could probably be a drag..faggot!!

it hurts...we might not be effiminate, we might not cross dress but it still hurts for the simple fact that we are gay and we are represented by such stereotype...can we really blame them because thats what we display so proudly in gay prides.... 

let me ask this question: What the hell is gay pride events all about? 

A bunch of sexually charged men who show little shame to be dressed up only in their  underwear, strutting their muscles and penises?? Is that what it is about...?

Don’t get me wrong, but acting sexual, being naked, simulating blowjobs and other sexual practices is fine if the audience consist of all gay men..

go to a gay club or spa for that matter...but presenting the stereotypes to the world so shamelessly by walking down the road almost naked, wearing makeup, nad cross dressing...are some things that should be thought about very carefully..

because like it or not we are being watched by the world which consist of children, women, elderly people, straight men, mothers, fathers, sisters and siblings...do we really want to send them this particular message?

i am not against self expression, u want to cross dress, put makeup thats your choice...if u are a woman trapped in a man's body thats understandable, but you are not a tramp..definitely not a slut! so why put out as such? dont u have self respect? dont say thats the only thing that would put food on the table...its a matter of choice and a matter of seeking attention.. 

I think we are capable of much more than that...

in my opinion, gay pride events should be a representation of the finest men..men who are successful in their career and life...devoted to each other, dressed in their finest clothes, an expression of their individuality and personality...men who are so mature, educated, charismatic, who has a say and has earned his respect by setting an excellent example by his being.. that every other man and woman alike would like to take as a role model. 

it should send a clear message that we are men of substance. even when the world against gay marriage on most part, we are capable of setting an example that that does not stop two men from experiencing true love and genuine relationship..

that, i call GAY PRIDE.

That, would convince the world that we mature and serious about our relationship..we cant have babies (no matter how frequently we attempt it..whoops!) but we are still capable of being each others child, parent, friend and siblings... that, i call gay pride...

Not the twisted reality of an event hosted by porn websites with their models strutting their stuff in public...

Don’t get me wrong, fetishes and sexual desires are personal choice and to be satisfied in a confined space.or even openly with the number of person participating being an option if the audience consist of all gay men..

but that shouldnt be what we serve on a platter to the world for the simple fact, WOULD U REALLY LIKE YOUR MOM TO SEE WHAT YOU DO BEHIND CLOSED DOORS...??

for me thats just disgusting...that is not gay pride, just humiliation to gay men.