Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Monday, November 29, 2010

Would You Really Like Your Mom to See What You Do Behind Closed Doors?

 imagine putting sexy muscular men in a room together in a close proximity...dancing together, sweating and rubbing each other...the thought of it evokes a sense of naughtiness and desire to be in that imaginary room...

The lesser clothes the more intriguing it gets, the thought of it, the feel of it gradually sets the mood for naugtiness....put them in trunks, throw some water and that could easily become a wet dream come true...

we are minorities dominated by our penis..its not a bad thing...we even commonly accepted that fact amongst us. at one point or another we have initiated or received messages that says: im horny, wanna meetup?

i dont know about the rest but i really am not embarassed to admit it....it is who i am..

Don’t get me wrong, but as exciting as it is to think about it, experience it and embracing it, is it really necessary to rub that feeling and desire at everybody's face??.. LITERALLY!

well we all do that and we like doing it, what i dont get however is the fact we let the world identify us by this STEREOTYPE...

at some point we have all heard a conversation that sounds like this: hey, he's gay, he sucks dick and could probably be a drag..faggot!!

it hurts...we might not be effiminate, we might not cross dress but it still hurts for the simple fact that we are gay and we are represented by such stereotype...can we really blame them because thats what we display so proudly in gay prides.... 

let me ask this question: What the hell is gay pride events all about? 

A bunch of sexually charged men who show little shame to be dressed up only in their  underwear, strutting their muscles and penises?? Is that what it is about...?

Don’t get me wrong, but acting sexual, being naked, simulating blowjobs and other sexual practices is fine if the audience consist of all gay men..

go to a gay club or spa for that matter...but presenting the stereotypes to the world so shamelessly by walking down the road almost naked, wearing makeup, nad cross dressing...are some things that should be thought about very carefully..
because like it or not we are being watched by the world which consist of children, women, elderly people, straight men, mothers, fathers, sisters and siblings...do we really want to send them this particular message?

i am not against self expression, u want to cross dress, put makeup thats your choice...if u are a woman trapped in a man's body thats understandable, but you are not a tramp..definitely not a slut! so why put out as such? dont u have self respect? dont say thats the only thing that would put food on the table...its a matter of choice and a matter of seeking attention.. 

I think we are capable of much more than that...

in my opinion, gay pride events should be a representation of the finest men..men who are successful in their career and life...devoted to each other, dressed in their finest clothes, an expression of their individuality and personality...men who are so mature, educated, charismatic, who has a say and has earned his respect by setting an excellent example by his being.. that every other man and woman alike would like to take as a role model. 

it should send a clear message that we are men of substance. even when the world against gay marriage on most part, we are capable of setting an example that that does not stop two men from experiencing true love and genuine relationship..

that, i call GAY PRIDE.

That, would convince the world that we mature and serious about our relationship..we cant have babies (no matter how frequently we attempt it..whoops!) but we are still capable of being each others child, parent, friend and siblings... that, i call gay pride...

Not the twisted reality of an event hosted by porn websites with their models strutting their stuff in public...

Don’t get me wrong, fetishes and sexual desires are personal choice and to be satisfied in a confined space.or even openly with the number of person participating being an option if the audience consist of all gay men..

but that shouldnt be what we serve on a platter to the world for the simple fact, WOULD U REALLY LIKE YOUR MOM TO SEE WHAT YOU DO BEHIND CLOSED DOORS...??

for me thats just disgusting...that is not gay pride, just humiliation to gay men.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Lets Wait and See

i guess the pants ripping sensation yesterday didnt subside....
i have read somewhere that says, rigorous workout would help to release sexual urge...
let me ask u this, you go to the gym, you see guys in a teeny tiny pants, flexing his muscles, sweaty, topless, in white shorts showing the outline of his butt and crotch....can u still workout??

of course, it would be a workout by itself to conceal an erection..!

i workout in my room ..topless and pant less...i get sweaty, and i see myself in the mirror and i get horny...damn!! 

when i successfully dodge the mirror and start doing pushups, my penis touched the floor while my underwear is soaked in sweat making the sensation so irresistable and my John just stiffens...'huge' distraction.. arghh!!

remember in the cartoons when Sylvester the cat is hungry and tweety bird looks like a roasted bird??

i totally get what Sylvester must have felt like......

the wise man who said the solution to an obsession is by living through it has got to be freaking kidding me!!! how could i possibly be ripping someones pants in my office, do animal things in public and get a way with it...doesnt even work in straight world. i guess a man raping a man would be a fantastic freak show...getting extensive media coverage and an end to my career.

hold that thought...in straight world, a man raping a woman is unacceptable..the world is accustomed to painting a woman as weak, vulnerable etc etc, you know the drill. overpowering a woman in a sexual way is deemed as a crime...what if the woman likes to be raped?? then again, she could always claim that she was forcefully raped..BITCHES!! (i dont hate women by the way, peace!)

of course when i say raping i dont mean forcefully doing it to a man or a woman...its just that the term raping sounds so adventurous..and exciting.>>JUST FOR THE RECORDS!

even so, if a man does WANT to be raped, that is still not possible...we have a law against sodomy that says even consented sex between two men is a crime and is subjected to imprisonment...weird huh??

welcome to my country..it is an easy card to be played by the politician...remember the anwar case? of course its not like saiful was pinned to the bed by several other men and anwar has forcefully inserted his carrot into saifuls butt....come on guys!! who are we kidding here...? but facts are facts and it is still a law here...imagine how many centuries it would take for this country to approve same sex marriage (for those who believe it...for me the moment god put a penis in a man, the penis always has an overwrite switch over the brain...every man is the same..those who deny it are just in denial)

but thats totally a different story..

tomorrow is friday, a night of high expectations so im thinking of who's pants i could rip what (who) i could be doing.. 

lets just wait and see.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Sexually Charged Working Environment

DAMN!! i just want to rip his pants off and turn into a wild animal!!

i dont think i even like him to begin with...he is not the most good looking guy ive seen. i dont think we can get along on most things (work related). i dont think he is funny. we dont talk unless its absolutely unavoidable. he thinks im a bitch and i think he is bitch x 2. he is not athletic, not muscular and has a little bit of a belly. without his safety helmet i think he has a onset receeding hairline problem...

i dont get why the hell i feel like ripping his pants to a million pieces...

maybe its the fact that he is one of my vendor..i cant seem to be able to control him the way i want to..

and by control, i mean that i dont seem to make him get cold sweat by my presense and follow everything is say..remember how i used to be a very sensible person?? why i want to control him, u might think..well he seems to think that he is an expert at my project. and i dont like it..i think being someone who is new to the project, he needs to respect the people who were already at the project from the beginning of the project..and I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT MYSELF!! he just seems to be a rude person.....

actually i think he is a bit cute. his body the type that is: huge legs, not so developed upper body..its not under developed as well...the best way to put it, like a basketball player / badminton plater...

i also think he is probably gay...i a gut feeling..why is say gut feeling??

because i have the worst radar! i cannot tell who is and who is not...

in that case, what makes me think he is one...??

ill explain:

last week a bunch of guys from my office and some vendors we were having lunch together, we were seated at the table and this 58 year old vendor used to be a state football player started talking.

he used to travel around the world during his time playing football.. this was the time when the malaysian football team were not so sucky!!

so this vendor was explaining that in china (i dont know how true this is) a game victory is normally rewarded by a nice chinese girl for the night... 

a major victory means the player gets to choose from an array of girls and gets a sandwich!!>>threesome!..while the rest of us were erotically charged (of course i was just pretending to like pussy at that time..duh!!) and were enjoying the joke, this guy was all quiet and poised...

well he is not that young to not understand the joke, or to not have had sex with someone or that nice...!!

my second reason, i always notice that there is a twist or tone for a gay man where it is kind of on the lower monotonous sound...

i dont know how exactly to say it..but the voice sounding like the guy is speaking from his nose or something...well this guy definitely has that voice...

somehow he seems to tease my weakness for guys dressed in formal clothes and he is always dressed in it (kinda wish his pants were a little tighter though!!)...

another reason would be his bitchiness of wanting to win an argument...
 
and of course the most obvious one would be several rings on a hand (even gold!!!, alamak!!) and a jade bracelet which is OBVIOUS and HUGE...i dont know about the rest of the world but the huge jade bracelet is kind of disgusting...and sissy like...maybe just for me..dont crucify me on this one!>>even woman doesnt wear so much jewellery or is it common for chinese guys>>i dont know as well...just so gay if u ask me..

im really confused at what makes me want to rip his pants, do 'animal' things and get him to a bed.....hold that thought i dont even care about a bed...just serve him on a plate for me!!!!

could it be that i want to dominate him and him being clever at dodging it..control over power, wanting something i cant have, loving the chase or just his juicy juicy butt??...i dont know for sure..


whatever it is, i hope this sexual urge for him would go away..if he gives even a tiny bit of a hint at being gay...i dont think i would be thinking twice to ravish him there and then not caring about my surroundings...

TALK ABOUT SEXUALLY CHARGED WORKING ENVIRONMENT!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Its All About Confidence

confidence could a bitch to someone..for others its a definite bitch. working in a constant rat race, competing with one another, is confidence a skill to be cultivated or is it an inborn trait...?

if it could be cultivated, could it be bred through training. we have all seen shameless advertisements claiming to boost a persons confidence buy a change of clothes, appearance and speech skills. does it really work, i cant tell..but all these qualities, do they guarantee a person's confidence or is it just a marketing buzz milking the general population's weakness?

In my opinion, i think is it the experiences that we go through that makes one a confident person...

consider this:

in a room full of people, where someone has to present his ideas, standing erect, eyes looking at the audience, continuous, stutter free, smooth speech and able to respond to all the questions rasied mark the traits of a confident man....

it is not a secret, but a successful presentation also consists of THE ART OF INTIMIDATION...yes, intimidation...bet to differ...? i guess not

in the line of my work, certain clients can be fussy and irritating over mediocre things...they instigate their thoughts even when it is not applicable and not necessary in the project execution.just because it worked in one project, it doesnt mean it will work on others...

if i were to represent my company in such meetings, i play by MY rules....

the old school teaching of the client is always right.....well lets just say thats not my believe system.

i think, if im right, i would say it, and i should say it even in the presence of the paymaster.... 

do i practice intimidation....yes, i do...only when the other party is not reasonable..some of the tricks up my sleeves include looking straight in the eye of the talker, not blinking and almost staring, making small chuckles when the talker is explaining abstract concept, exhaling, finger tapping on the meeting table, leaning far back on the chair with crossed leg and frowning, let the talker to finishing presenting his elaborate idea and in a calm monotonous way saying no are just some of the things that works in a meeting...

im not proud of these but lets be honest here....i know what im doing, im good at it and my company specializes in what we do...so why should i let anyone else to second guess my designs??

im a sensible person, open for ideas and constructive criticisms..but in return, i expect the client to be technically sound when he questions my decision..a small tradeoff..otherwise hes just wasting both party's time....

in some situations...it does come down to who can be more intimidating than others..but being technically sound makes a huge difference...

>>why talk about all of these out of the blue??

i was in a meeting with a vendor and this guy has years of experience ahead of me. i made queries regarding the status of the project and he stumbled for words and arranging his thoughts...

maybe he was nervous or genuinely has no idea of whats going on...i DID NOT intimidate him...i didnt even try.

so this guy, he was not able to sell his ideas to me. not only that, i had to dismiss him on the basis that he failed to convince me with his ideas. 

it goes both ways, maybe his ideas we really not that good, or he was not confident it conveying those ideas...either way, todays meeting was a waste of time.

so is confidence a skill to be cultivated or is it genetics?



i think the models in the pictures are darn confident to be dressed in just their underwear...! 

Monday, November 22, 2010

Beg to Differ?

maybe someone more compassionate than me would have responded in a nicer way...or maybe im just bored of such message....

Attraction could have been another major factor...or how unattracted i was at the message... or maybe he is just ***** (i couldnt figure out a nicer word for stupid), immature, desperate or wildly turned on by my profile...i dont know about the rest of the world but i was less than amused when i got this message:

hai bro h r u ?
u looke so handsome ..
saya s***r*j 23 kl kat selayang mall)
178cm 60kg (versatile)
saya suka Fun and SEX
i nak datang rumah kau i ok je..
pls reply me

first of all, i did not upload my face picture so the second line has already given me a very bad first impression. imagine how bad of an idea it would have been if i have uploaded my face picture. so he likes sex and fun....

why is he telling me that?? because he likes fun and sex, does that make it ok for him to come to my place? seriously guys i dont even understand what he meant by 'i nak datang rumah kau, i ok je'....

but i dont think i really cared...

reading that message there were so many nasty things that came to mind...my inner beast was roaring and ready with its claw to unleash the wrath...i was pissed and i wanted to tear him into pieces...

obviously it was a message with a lot of loophole...but being a much wiser person lately, (hehem!!) i resorted to not say anything mean... 

i realized it could be very easy for me to crush his ego...but i dont really see the point of doing it..he would feel dumbfounded about himself for a while...and then >>no difference..so why resort to doing something that makes no difference right??

i thought of blocking him from sending me messages or viewing my profile...then again he could always create a new one and keep stalking me..or worse misuse my pictures. NO!!! i was not afraid of what he could possibly do but im just saving myself some trouble..its not worth it.

the interesting part of this whole thing is the fact that he has already messaged me before...something very similar to the above and i replied:

hey dude, sorry but im not interested..

i KNOW, its a simple sentence..the meaning is direct and straight forward but it didnt make a difference to his bird brain...

tell me, how do we resort to handle this type of people? i used to be quite direct and by direct, i mean....i think you know what i mean by direct..it creates a chain reaction..string of messages that goes to prove how gay men are capable of constructing nasty sentences and totally unable to accept rejection...after that it cascades into who has the final say...i do...but thats not the point here..winning over stupid things are not worth winning at all..AGREE??

eventually i got tired of it and since im much WISER now (Hehem!!), ...i think its therapeutic and easier to not let these messages get to me...i read it, if im not interested, i just delete it..

come on guys, we cant change the universe or expect everyone to behave the way we want...its not possible..so instead i changed myself...

maybe this particular guy doesnt know how to approach me , a guy with such class and awesomeness!!!!...

i can only hope that eventually he would be able to realize that there are people out there who do not get impressed with messages like that.at least figure out if the guy he is messaging to is equally attracted to him before blurting out embarrassing stuff..

 end of the day i still appreciate that message coz its a testament of my 'hotness' interesting elements in my profile..

beg to differ???

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Happy Hunting.



the aftermath of doing too many things yesterday is a bitch!...have u ever been so pancit that u cant keep your eyes open?? welcome to my day...

since its my turn to work this saturday, i still have another day do catch up with work tomorrow morning...not a bad thing since i have not been requested to do any last minute inspection (im keeping my fingers crossed)

my new office and room seems to have a really good feng shui (is that the correct spelling?). i am geared to do more work and motivated too....

the thing about fridays is that many people are mentally tuned to go to holiday mood...the important decisions to be made are much lesser and everyone is in happy happy mood...throw some sex into it, and it could as well turn into a nice weekend..

i KNOW! i KNOW!! everyone thinks about it, i just said it out loud....too bad for me im working tomorrow...so chances are, by the time i reach kl it would already be saturday evening and id be a little less interested in physical action...

on second thought, men are always hungry, arent we??

there are few guys who have been asking me to meet them over the weekend from pr..i might meet them over coffee and see where that goes...and by 'where that goes' i mean molesting them on their bed see if we get along....so what do i expect in a man???
sounds so fuc*ing demanding doesnt it?

lets rephrase that: which qualities do i find attractive in a man:

personality
1. funny. not dumb funny. the right amount of funny that even if the guy is new in the company and your ego says not to laugh, u cant help but to smile from what he just did or said...

2. confident. not im the king of the world and im better than all gay men kind of confidence. just someone who knows what he's talking and not making things up for the sake of impressing others. thats just disgusting.

3. well dressed. not into men dressed in designer stuff from head to toe...thats in a way, an obvious kind of gay...just well fit clothes. colours not too loud and definitely not with a handbag....for me thats a little too disgusting LOUD. someone u just have to look for the second time when he walks past.

4. creative. would be nice if he could be artistically inclines. crafts, arts, singing, any of those...if all of those, it could turn out to be a a little threat and a lot of confidence issue for me, definitely dont want that...

5. good with children. this one is a bit of a weird one.  i dont know why but i find men who are good with children to be very charming. ever experience heart flutter? i get it when i see this type of guys.

physical attribute 
1. i think the first one is very obvious. i have a huge weakness to legs and butt. thick legs and nice butts are my weakness. some like abs, chest and body hair but me: BUTT LEG and BUTT

2. not to much body hair. hair on the legs, arms, chest and belly is allright as long as they are trimmed shaved and tidily kept. if too much and curly, it just doesnt turn me on, instead it turns me off

3. presentable look. i dont look for the most good looking man in the room. its all about chemistry.
4. not really particular about hairdo. anything that makes a man comfortable will make him confident and thats what i call SEXY.

well these do not form part of my checklist. just my preference..fetish, so to speak..

end of the day when the right guys comes, these qualities might not necessarily matter...

happy hunting!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

I Hit 4 Digits...

i am feeling proud of myself today. 

despite feeling completely exhausted and falling almost asleep at my desk due to all the travelling up and down to kl in the past few days and still managed to do my target workout, all enthused and eager, but that is not exactly the reason for it..

i have chaired a meeting all by myself when my boss aeroplaned the meeting, attended by fellow contractors and the meeting turning out to be a huge success, standing by myself depending not only my decisions but also managed to withhold the company's integrity...hmmm not quite the reason for it..

i managed to shift to my new office, organize it, and sort out big chunk of work by the end of the day....turned out to be indeed a productive day.....but that is not the main reason for it..

later at night, preparing a healthy wholesome dinner with all the nutrients in it, protein, fibre, vitamin, carbs.etc etc..well not quite the reason yet..

how about my cute colleague attempting to have chats whenever he passed by my room in quite an obvious way .hmmm exciting! but not the reason too.

well today, my blog has reached its first 4 digit viewers..that is for me a reason to be quited pleased about the way it turned out...ok ok!!!

its not like the one millionth hit. but to write about my thoughts and opinions and to have that many people reading it, i think im connecting to the world literally..for everyone who make up the 4 digits from all over the world, u guys made me feel proud of myself...

so i THANK YOU...

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Long Term or Short Term??

the thing about short term and long term goal is that the latter is almost impossible to achieve, ALMOST.
 the bigger, more ambitious, proactive and productive the long term goal is, the more longer the arm shall be in order to reach it....

long term goal is always dependent on the taking of events or a series of events. depending on this, priorities keep changing and before long, reprioritizing takes such twists and turns that the original goal becomes a distant memory.

short term goal on the other hand is, is more practical..less impact-full..

say my short term goal is having a good lunch. i can just go to the mamak shop around the corner. since my office building stands at the midst of many other companies, i can be assured i can see many good looking guys in the office wear, YUM YUM!!

but then again guys who frequent mamak stalls are more often than not smokers (a huge turn off) and not admirers of tighty office wear, lets focus on fancy cafes...

yes, thats right!!!!

gay men always prefer fancy things....small portioned pretencious food for double the price seems to be the IN-thing. we all say its the ambiance that we seek..but we all know its the butt in tight pants that we really seek in these cafes...its like the moth to the fire are we attracted to the cafes....of course our fire comes well draped in tight butt hugging pants...

for guys who have office wear fetish...its almost impossible to go to these places with straight friends....no wait, let me rephrase that: its almost impossible for discreet gay men to go to these places with straight friends as i just cant stop staring at the butt and CRO*CH. i admit its an impossible task for me....in the game of truth or dare i choose truth..

in a weird twisted funny way i just find my food more delicious surrounded by the beautiful 'sceneries'!! buns and sausages never tasted better.. 

>>same scenario,  but when we consider long term goals, we are talking about 'tasting the delicious food' over and over again. how do we do that without liking the food first....?

if im considering a 'food' that id like to have on a long term basis, i would definitely study what the delicious food has to offer...

i would like to be attracted to be attracted to the ingredients, like the packaging , like the way it is presented and prefer an element of surprise from time to time... these would keep me interested in the food. the food must also be healthy, no chemicals / drugs being associated with it. darn!! long term goal is just exhausting.....

not impossible, but too much effort...i think id would be so nice to have a long term food that i can cherish and enjoy all the time

is it ok to have short term goals until we think we are ready for long term goal? 

or should we wait until we are ready for long term goal........

probably end up waiting....for god knows how long..


long term or short term nothing matters when we are hungry...and MEN ARE ALWAYS HUNGRY!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Its weekend. Everyone should feel tingly. Where is highly optional.

 Have u ever looked at someone and feel totally in awe...? im yet to experience that, but these pictures sure leaves me in awe and feeling tingly...i think u know where...
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