Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Im attracted to men and im not ashamed of it..

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Adam and Me (Part 2)

for some reasons...reasons which i feel is so stupid, i told Adam: 

Ok, see u later...




it was about to rain and he said he lives just around the corner and then i uttered those words Ok, see u later...

seriously!!!

SEE YOU LATER??

i mean who says things like that..
it was like one of those moments when u do something wrong and the entire universe spins at lightning speed into a sink hole..

ok fine, i exaggerated..

when i said see u later, it already started to rain. it was only decent to excuse myself. if i were to say: can i get a lift on your bike, that would have made me look stupid since he rode a mountain bike and there wasnt any passsenger seat. 

i couldnt offer him a lift neither...

so i excused myself..

i went home. it was around 8.30pm. i watched some movies and reminisced the sexless weekend i had.

the kind of weekend that sucks!

ermm! not that i have sex every other weekend.  

or, DO I?

 well lets not get into that...

although that short and brief chat at the park was interesting, there wasnt much that could be derived from it.

i still didnt know where he lived, if he was gay, interested in me or even going to meet him again.

i decided to not give it much thought. 

about a month and a half later, while i was driving back home from work and passed by the park, i noticed a familiar silhoutte. a guy with broad chest, white tee...

although i was exhausted, rush of adrenaline, told me i should park my car and go back to the park.

so i did...

i parked and sat at the same bench....i could see Adam from afar..

i smiled and said to myself..if he likes me, he would come and talk to me.

this time Adam was roller blading. Good looking and athletic...must be some stamina in you know where..good for me, YAY!

i smirked and crossed my legs for some obvious reasons.
again i put up the same routine..

the phone tapping one..

i could almost feel him approaching..
just 5 meters away i looked up and i saw Adam in front of me.

Instead of jumping up and down, i wanted to cave in..

HE WAS HOLDING A GIRLS HAND!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Feminine Gay Men?

i  read Simon Lovers post on Feminine Gay Men and at some level it bugged me. speaking for myself my response is as follows:


dude, i dont hate feminine gay men. yes, they are not my type and everyone just like myself has a choice to make.

i dont insult, participate in insults to these group of people for the simple fact that everyone is trying to just be themselves.

however, what i dont get is the amount of drama a feminine gay men brings into the picture. i know its generalization and many wouldnt agree.

but all the feminine gay men i have come across with are:

POSSESSIVE, JEALOUS, HYPERSENSITIVE, CLINGY, CALL & TEXT A MILLION TIMES A DAY, ADDRESS ME WITH WORDS LIKE: HONEY, BABE, DEAR, FLAMBOYANT GESTURES / LOUD ATTENTION SEEKING VOICE TONE, MANJA, VULGAR, CURSES WORSE THAN A WOMAN and GOSSIPS LIKE A FUCKING WHORE.

so, all i want to say, im not against feminine gay men, i dont judge them, i have no issues for cross dressers, transgenders even sex workers but until i find a feminine gay men who is strong mentally with admirable character, driven and passionate about his life, i could really use a drama free life...short, brief and simple.

peace.

 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Adam and Me. (Part 1)


 it was a quiet evening. unlike the weekdays where there is a routine to follow through, it was the weekend. a quiet, breezy saturday evening.

i found myself to be seated on a bench, my hair gently blown by the breeze and tapping on my phone. i couldnt make up my mind into deciding between the thumpa thumpa action at market place or some easy breezy moment in the park looking at some eye candy.

logged into planetromeo and manjam, i saw the templates or what i call as standard template messages: hey dude, nice body wanna have fun? do u have a face picture? how big is your dick? are u indian?...

even though these are templates, nonetheless, it feels nice to get the attention and obviously a little hard on (hehem!)

as if, he knew my hesitation and confusion, from a distance he nodded. something like a long lost contact friend, acknowledging my presence at the bench.

as much as i hate to admit it, i have the worst gaydar. give me a naked guy in front of me and id still be second guessing his sexuality. 

so i was a little confused. i didnt know if he was interested in me, or had a way better gayday or if he was really my friend whom i have not met in a long time.

after a few moments of hesitation, he came near my bench. walking with hboth his hands in his jeans pocket. unexpectedly he reached out his hand saying: Hi.

he was casually dressed. a collared white tee that accentuated his toned chest, his biceps with dark blue jeans.

i was confused. but his brown eyes pierced right into my heart. it was warm and kind. he had rosy pinkish lips against fair skinned face and i shook his hand back saying hi.

he introduced himself: 'Im Adam. were u not studying in MMU before?'
and i went like: 'Owh, no i wasnt from there'

it was one of those moments where two people are eager to know each other but dont know how to start and dont want to make a bad impression.
Adam: owh sorry. u just look a lot like my friend.
Me: Thats ok. i get that a lot. must have a really common face.
Adam: Haha. so what brings you here? u seem bored.
Me: Just collecting some thoughts. pondering.
Adam: Do you read a lot? u looked serious tapping at your phone just now.

**well actually i was oogling at boy candy. didnt know my horny face, looked like serious well read person!

Me: i was checking my emails. have a seat.
Adam: Sure.
Me: Are u waiting for someone?
Adam: I come here when i need to take my mind off things. somehow this place helps me relax. ive seen u here a few times...
Me: You have?
Adam: Yes, most of the time u just look serious into your phone writing something

**lucky he didnt say look perverted into your phone.
Me: I guess im addicted to my phone (more like addicted to planetromeo and manjam!)
Adam:  Thats the worst kind
Me: It is. Looks like its going to rain. Do you live nearby?
Adam: Yes, im just around the corner. i cycled here.... 

** I didnt know what Adam was thinking but i couldnt help but to tell myself that he is so adorable. soft curly hair and big beautiful smile and then i noticed his tattoo...

>To be continued..

Friday, June 10, 2011

Happy Place / Screwed?

staring blankly at the ceiling of my bedroom and feeling so bored, i look at the message from my friend.

it says: hey dude, how are you?. been a long time since we spoke.

even though i was mind numbingly bored at that time, i still hesitated to reply to that text.

to begin with, each sms i send to him would cost me 50cents about 4 times the cost of an sms i send to my malaysian friends.

that night, the cost was the least of my concern.

it was the drama. the drama between me and him and the drama between me and....well obviously the rest of the world...

ironically, this guy is a person i began chatting with in a gay chatroom.

yes, gay chatroom. by the way, he is actually straight guy.

straighter than the arrow so to speak or so he claims to be.

so what was he doing in that chatroom??

lets just say: im still looking for an answer for that one.

when we first began to chat, he was just in his teenage years. he had lotsa things going on at that time.

Ah Longs knocking on his doors, parents fighting with one another, schooling, his friends back stabbing and already being engaged to his girlfriend at the age of 19>>just to name a few.

i dont know what made me believe in his stories. they were always over dramatic. keyword being OVER.

yet 4 years down the road we still keep in touch.

maybe i  wanted to offer him moral support since his life was so fucked up.

well, coming back to the sms...
from the beginning our friendship wasnt the one i cherish the most. it was always a case of me saying something, then he says something, then i get pissed, i ignore him, he appologizes we make up and repeat..

at first it was fine then became monotonous and redundant...

add that with my own problems and issues and it became overwhelming even to reply his sms

why??

because i am fast becoming saturated with all the happenings around me.
im in need of a happy place and quick. a retreat so to speak. to let loose, release and revive.

unfortunately i dont have it....


 AM I SCREWED FOR GOOD THIS TIME??
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