I Dont Know If There Is Anyone Else In The Same Boat As Me, But If There Is, Send Me A Message And Lets Talk About What The Hell We Want In Our Lives

 hello everyone. first of all id like to say that i am still alive and kicking...lately my 'proffessional' life has demanded so much of me that i am no longer capable of indulging in my guilty pleasure.

i was lying down on my bed not too long ago and a thought flashed through my brain: what if i was not gay? how different would my live has been?

there were so many images that flashed through my mind and here i have listed the top 4 for your reading pleasure:

1. i would have probably responded to two of the lovely chinese girls who has confessed and hinted their love..lets use the word attraction for me. the first one, was a really funny girl and if that was not enough, she was also one of the cutest who always makes me smile, laugh my heart out and i could talk anything to her. if i was sad, or down, she always knew what would cheer me up.

we were in the same class during our secondary education. at first we were just friends until we became best of friends when were 16 or 17. sadly and unlucky for me this beautiful girl is already married with two kids. we still keep in touch and have a blast when we talk over the phone and i always ponder if i should just have responded to her when she told me she has a crush on me.....>>too late, i know..

the second girl was my colleague: the sweetest, cutest girl so charming and was wooed by so many guys. she knows what is good for thehealth and what is not, she doesnt gossip around, very positive, patient, professional in short perfect.

she hinted a few times to me. we get along very well. she laughs the loudest at my jokes and i think i also fell for her to a certain extend. 

u know heart flutter and butterfly in the belly feeling...i get those when she smiles at me..

and then she got registered two weeks ago. die die die!

2. my mom's question of: When are u getting married Arun, wouldnt be so irritating. i get panic attacks when she asks me this question. i dont know what to tell her. yes, mom u can look or mom, ill look myself or perhaps i think im gay but not sure....three possible answers and i dont have the balls to use even one.

i mean seriously?? how can a guy now know what he wants?? vagina / dick?? just pick one and stick to it right?? i wish it was that simple..really wish

3. i probably wouldnt have a trunk load of underwear in my room. straight guys dont keep trunk load of underwear right, or DO THEY??. maybe i would have been less obsessed with my looks, ass, legs and chest. i could have been a 'normal' guy and that would have sufficed instead of spending 3-4 days in a week to work out and have the best body.

the thing with my obsession with underwear...it is a sickness really. briefs, boxer briefs, square cuts, thongs, high rise, low rise, boxers, single colour, multi colour, transparent...name it and i have it..

4. maybe i would have been more positive when it came to relationships. now, attracted to a man, i think my relationships last untill i ejaculate. maybe i have not met the right man yet but i dont think i can be with just one man, so i dont think i should expect that from another man. the question of faithfullness is not a matter of sexual preference: i hear u guys complaining but how would it work when both are always so lustfull and on the look out for new meat??

i dont know if there is anyone else in the same boat as me,

but if there is, send me a message and lets talk about what the hell we want in our lives...

sounds like a plan?