im looking at his picture, but im numb

the moment we was there, i never took notice of him

everything he did was imperfect. i couldnt stand his jokes, i refuse to give in, i decided to lead a separate life. it was fine. i always told myself that probably this is the best arrangement for the both ouf us. him to be himself, me to be myself going on parallel routes not having to cross paths..

if only i knew better..

i was fine for many years..2-5 if im not mistaken. i would pretend that he is not in the same room, avoid eye contact for all i can remember is the harsh things he said to me. when i grew up, when i was a teenager and now when im an adult. it was fine.

i never really figured out why he was so unhappy with me or maybe about me. was it my personality or me as a person. up to a certain extend we both tried. one fine day we gave up. literally just gave up..

today was different. it was strange. it was odd..the person i have tried to be so distant with so many years has become distant.

i can no longer call him. i cant say that i miss him. i even cannot look at him anymore. only in photos. i never told him i love him. he never said that to me. not once. we both no longer have that luxury. it has come to a standstill. a point of no return.

grieving for a loved one. one never recovers. it comes in waves. sometimes we are better and stronger than the wave. sometimes, we get washed over....helplessly like the sands

i hope he is happy now. no more pain, anger, grudges or ill feeling. i hope he is happy now..