My Stolen Heartbeat (Part 4)

act of surprise. almost shocking. a hint of naughtiness. lust....

even before lust is understood. 

theres a silver lining between lust and love, one is often mistaken for the other. lust not necessarily an extension of love. but in my case, it was....just that i didnt know it..

i didnt know i was in love but to feel that wasy to a person ive known so shortly. i dont even know if counts as love. for a long time, i thought it described it as raging hormones. just the animal instinct almost beastlike to satisfy the ohysical need...

of course at a more mature age, i understood i that i was in deeply connected without knowing it and worse it was TO A BOY!

there was very little that i could do to stop myself from reaching out, to touch his skin, to caress his hair and touch his lips .....with mine. then there was a suddent flash. a bolt of lightning in my mind. at that second is realized im in my room with a boy on my bed, wearing my shorts with pearls of water droplets trickling down his skin...the skin that i desperately want to touch.. at that instance i understood he  is already someone else's.......

then and there i dismissed the overwhelming desires. if this is love, and the lust is an extension of it, there should be two person in that room that night who should feel it ...not just myself.

i got dressed and got onto my bed. he was playing game on his phone. i took the phone from his hand, put it away and put mine across his chest. that moment, all our worries went away. we were just there completely unaware of everything else.

me: are u serious with this girl?

him: i dont know. i just knew her last semester.

me: everyone says u are dating her

him: kinda

me: how did u confess?

him: i took her to the movies.......(he went to explain it....but that was not what i was expecting to hear)

i know how this might sound like. im just a guy who fell for a boy with a girlfriend. classic love triangle. well, not exactly. i knew better than that than to make a rookie mistake. 

there was always something between us. we clicked immediately. we complete each other's sentences, get each other's jokes and we always tell each other where we are. even when he is out on a date, he would text me telling exactly where he was and what time he would return...and even apologize if he doesnt return.....

i know...............sweet right....?? 

probably we were in denial that time, scared....of how the world would react...it was easy for me, for us because he is publicly in a relationship and that would eliminate any suspicions from anyone....

me: are u serious with her?

him: do u expect me to be with her till we graduate? dude, thats another 4 years..!

me: well how would you feel if she said she loves you and just uses you to pass time?

him: ...................silence..

me: i dont think you should play with her emotions...

thats right! thats how stupid i was :D i was being all noble, kind and saintlike, putting the interest of the world before me

STUPID STUPID STUPID!! 

him: theres something that i need to tell you

me: whats that (oh boy, is it what i think it is??)

him: its kind of important....ive not told anyone yet..

me: ok... (getting nervous) 

him: i dont think i would be returning back next semester to continue studies.......

me: (WHAT???)